the book tour

♥︎ 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑟𝑒𝑒

°˖✧✿✧˖° lia °˖✧✿✧˖°

We were only twenty minutes late as Kennedy was conscious of time. I, however, ended up having to pump in the car. She only breastfed from the one so now they were different sizes and one hurt. I didn't mind though, she gave me the privacy whilst I did so.

Now in the restaurant, I was getting increasingly nervous. She was looking at the menu, reading the options and I was trying not to be sick. I had no idea how or when to approach this. She was so insanely precious to me that I didn't want her to disagree but I also knew that it would be tough for her to agree. I just hoped I could provide enough reassurance to her before she made up her mind as a definite no and cut off the relationship right here- tonight.
"What are you going to get?" she asked innocently, completely unaware of the anxiety bubble growing inside of me.
"The burger," I said, quickly glancing at my menu.
"Babe, they don't even have a burger on the menu-" she said, looking at me with an exasperated gaze. "Get your head out of your book world and read the menuuu."
I blushed and nodded- my mind was always so chaotic. Although my 'book world' wasn't on my mind right now, it usually always is so I couldn't blame her for thinking so.
"What are you going to get, angel?"
"The linguini," she said softly.
"That's spicy, you know?"
"Is it?" Her eyes went wide and she sighed. She hated spice.
"It is. I'm sure they can do it without the spice, we can ask them if you'd like?" She nodded gently. "Pick a back up incase," I suggested. She picked her menu back up.

Our food came and she got it without spice. I got duck and chips and it was incredible. She kept glancing at me as we were eating our food in silence and that wasn't common- at all.
"Are you okay?" she asked, after a few more glances.
"Yes, are you?"
"You're lying to me." she huffed slightly, looking at me with her sad, puppy eyes.
"I just- baby I need to ask you something." I said and repositioned myself on my chair. I watched as she gulped and her eyes grew paniced.
"No, no it's okay." I told her, taking one of her hands in mine. "It's exciting," I said.
"You don't look excited." She mumbled, looking away from me.
"You know how I'm publishing my last book next month?" I said. She nodded. "I've been asked to do a book tour. An international one. Start at the top of scotland, weave the way down to the bottom of England and over to America for a state tour," I said, I couldn't control my smile.
"That's cool," she nodded.
"Darling, I want you to come with me," I said suddenly. She looked at me with wide eyes and froze.
"Lia-"
"I know it's short notice but we'd start on the 16th of next month." I said.
"Lia I- I don't know," she pushed her chair back, taking her hand from mine. My heart dropped. I didn't want this reaction.
"Why?" I asked, I couldn't fathom any other words.
"We've only been together a few months. How long will the tour last? That's insane. I can-what about my job? Or university? Or Annie. She won't be able to pay the rent on her own and then she wants me to start in September and I can't do that if- how long is it?"
"Three months," I told her.
"Three months? Together? Just us?"
"A few of my team too," I shrugged. I felt crapper and crapper as each second past.
"Lia- I -" she shook her head and pushed her chair back more. She ran to the bathroom, bag in her hand and I felt shit. God- what had I done?

°˖✧✿✧˖° kennedy °˖✧✿✧˖°

I could feel a panic attack rising inside me and I instantly threw my food up in the bathrooms. I dropped to my knees and clung to the bowl. The committment. We had only been together a two months and I'd only stayed at her house a few nights. Now she wanted to whisk me away from my life- my comfort and the life I know- for three whole months?
"Ken?" She said but I shook my head. I couldn't do this. I couldn't be with her. I give her my life for the next three months and become dependant on her for her to just ditch me in a year or two. Fuck.
"Kenny please," she whispered, knocking on the door slightly. I threw up again. "Open the door," she pleaded.
"I can't do it, Lia," I cried.
"We can talk about it, talk through it."
"No. No, no it's scary."
"Baby, let me in," she practically whined.
"I can't," I cried. At this point, I couldn't get off the floor. I was so paralyzed with anxiety.
"You can't or you don't want to?"
"I can't, Lia," I was gasping for air. I heard her mumble some things before opening the door with force. It almost swung in my face before she grabbed it. She flushed the toilet and crouched down beside me. Her hand was on my face and her mouth was moving but I couldn't hear her. I shook my head, trying to tell her I couldn't hear her. She sighed and pulled me into her chest. Her hadn slid into my hair. I moved away and her face dropped. I moved myself so I was straddling her and pushed myself as far as possible into her hold. She stood up, holding me in her arms and sat on the closed toilet lid. I hid my head in her neck and tried to get my breathing to calm down.

As soon as I was calm enough to leave the bathroom, she grabbed my hand and stood us up. I felt funny stood up so I leaned into her.
"Should I just pay and we can leave?" She asked me, holding me close to her.
"Please," I whimpered. I wanted to slip but I knew we needed to talk about this. We walked out slowly and she went up to the front desk. I kept my eyes down and she apologised profusely and ended up paying them double for the meal - I was quite shocked but kept it to myself. I wanted to go home. To her house. To be in her arms.