Broken String

XLII

"Oh, God, Brett, no." Eddy grunts. Brett is clearly trying not to cry, and he can't remember when he's ever seen him cry, and now he's powerless to stop his own tears, they're falling down his cheeks and he can barely breathe. 
"Brett, please, don't be mad. I'm so sorry. I know I've not been fair on you. Please, bro, don't be mad. I'll leave, go to my mum's for a while. I'll leave you guys in peace."
He's sobbing too now, he can't help it, because it hurts so bad, the thought to leave here, be dependent on his mum. How would he even get up the stairs? Would he have to live in the living room in one of those hospital beds his uncle used to be in, years ago? 
But he needs to be fair. 
"Fuck." Brett states again and he almost falls the couple of paces back to the bed, buries his face in his hands and starts crying for real, his shoulders jerking up and down with his sobs. Eddy puts his arm around him on a whim and instantly Brett turns and grabs him, pulls him towards him, burying his face in his shoulder. 
Oh, this moment, this painful moment, sobbing into his sobbing friend's hair. How the hell did they get here? 
It's better though, now that Brett is holding him, now that he doesn't need to pretend he's okay anymore. He can finally let go of all the fear, all the pain he's kept inside, as they sit there on his bed holding one another, he has no idea how long for, crying softly so the others don't hear them. It's Brett who lets go in the end and looks at him through red, teary eyes. 
"Do you... do you want to go to your mum's?"
And look. It would be fairest to say yes. He shouldn't burden him, but he's too raw. 
Too raw.
"Of course not. But I can't... I can't..." he manages to take a gulp of air and carry on despite the sobs that are coming back in full force. "I can't ask you to do this, Bretty Bang. Not the others, but especially not you."
"Jesus fuck, Eddy." Brett calls suddenly then, shocking him again, his eyes spitting fire like he's never seen before. He lowers his voice when he sees Eddy startle but the intent stays the same. "Eddy. There's nothing I want to do right now other than help you. Don't you fucking see that? How could I not? It's you, for fuck's sake. You've got to know I love you, bro. Why would I fucking want you to go to your mum's? You think I can just carry on like nothing's happening once you're gone? Why won't you just let me help?"

The silence after Brett's outburst is loud, so loud, reverberating off the walls, filling his ears, drawing the blood into his head where it pounds around and around. Eddy sits there with his mouth agape for the longest time as he tries to process what Brett's just said. But... he has helped him, hasn't he? All the time. He would have gone mad without him there. Doesn't Brett know that?
"Um..." is all he feebly manages in the end.
Tears are flowing down Brett's face once more and Eddy doesn't know if they're angry or sad.
"Why would you go?"
Brett's question is basically the same as before, but the tone is much softer this time. Much sweeter. Eddy shrugs and suddenly the words he hasn't said all evening start flowing out of his mouth.
"Because I'm a burden to you all, Brett, why else? Everything is fucked up and it's my fault. I shouldn't drag you down. It's not fair."

Brett seems to freeze to the bed as he stares at him, his eyebrows forming a deep V. His bottom lip is quivering as he looks him up and down, up and down as the seconds tick away. His eyes are changing now, softening more, understanding dawning. The anger is flowing away visibly, ebbing into the night.
"Oh God." he whispers then. "I should have... God, I should have seen you felt that way."
He pushes Eddy back on the bed in one swift move so he lies down, and pulls the quilt over him. He seems to hesitate for a second, but then he lies down too, sliding in bed next to him. He puts his hand on his back and strokes it gently. And it's the most comforting thing in the world. 
"Bro." he whispers. 
"I'm so sorry." Eddy whispers between sobs, and he buries his face in Brett's shoulder again, just like the other night. "So fucking sorry."
"Please stop being sorry. Alright? Please. We're in this together. Please let me help you."

Eddy raises his head so he can see him. Brett's eyes are red from all the crying, just like his own surely are.
"What the hell did I ever to do deserve you?" he says hoarsely. 
Brett shrugs, his bottom lip quivering again. But he keeps himself in check. 
"Well, I feel the same way." he whispers then. 
"Please don't leave."
Brett shakes his head as Eddy puts his own head back on the shoulder. The tears are slowing down now, and his chest is calming. 
"I won't. Please let me help you and stop feeling guilty about it."
Something shifts in Eddy right then. He's got it wrong, he can see that now. He's more loved than he knew, maybe more loved than he deserves, even. But here they are, those are the facts.  

"Okay." he whispers into Brett's chest, and he settles a little deeper into the soft t-shirt. It smells of their soap, and of Brett himself. Like home. 
"Bretty?" he whispers as drowsiness starts to overtake him, taking away the rough edges, the pain. It's better now, now that they've talked, now that they've cried, now that Brett is lying here with him. He doesn't want to think anymore. 
"Yeah?"
"Just for the record... you've helped me more this week than I could possibly ever repay."
Brett hums softly, a deep sound in the back of his throat. 
"Okay." he whispers then. "Let's get some sleep, yeah?"
Eddy nods and closes his eyes. He doesn't move, though, he stays right there, his head on Brett's chest, his nose in his t-shirt, as he drifts off into sleep.