Broken String

LXXV

"So it was sex?" Brett asks, his eyes wider than oceans. 
Todd shrugs. I mean, who is he to define something like that for someone else? Or to dictate how Brett should feel?
"It tends to complicate things." he says quietly.
"You can fucking well say that again. I had a handle on things, you know. I can't... Jesus, earlier... I don't think I've ever come like that. I can't believe I'm telling you this."
Todd smiles. 
"It's fine, you've heard me do that plenty."
"Seen you too."
Now Todd grins out loud. 
"That too. Sorry about that. Anyway. Maybe you should ask him what he feels? Or be roundabout about it? I could fish, if you want?"
Brett shakes his head brusquely enough for Todd to know that he means it. 
"No. I'm not asking, and I'm not telling anyone this. I'm too confused to even know what I want, let alone what he feels. And he... I don't know if you've noticed but he's got one or two things on his mind right now."
"I've noticed. It's not the time?"
Another head shake. 
"Definitely not the time. When he's better. If... maybe. Look, Todd. I can live with these feelings, if that's even what they are. I can't live without Eddy. If I tell him, ask him, and it explodes in my face?"
Todd winces as he sees the fall-out in his mind's eye. Those boys are like conjoined twins. Never far apart. It would be like the universe split in half. 
"I get it. Don't worry, my lips are sealed, of course."
"I know that. I trust you."
"You think he needs to get better first."
Brett nods, then buries his face in his hands again and starts sobbing. Oh, no, he's crying for real now, and there is nothing Todd can do but put his arm awkwardly around him and wait until his breath comes a little more calmly and the sobs fade.
"He needs to." Brett says then. "No other decisions can even be made before that. Don't you see?"
And he is right, of course. What if Brett confesses to him, and Eddy does reciprocate? While he's sick, and Brett is caring for him? How warped would that be? Yeah, he's right, it's better they stay like they are, for the time being. 
"Okay, I see you. So... are you gonna stop with the hand jobs?"
Suddenly Brett grins and he can feel him calming more under his arm. He lets him go and sits back on the filthy floor. 
"Not a fucking snowball's chance in hell, Toddy, thank you very much."

After a full minute Brett takes a deep breath and wipes the last tears off his face. 
"Your arse is going to be filthy, sitting on there." he states calmly. Like Brett. Like they haven't just had this heart to heart.
Todd grins and gets up stiffly. 
"I'll put on some clean bottoms. Come here, bro."
He hugs him quickly, slapping him on the back, then he lets him go and tries to think of something to say that makes sense.
"Thanks, Toddy." Brett says quietly. 
Just as Todd opens his mouth to tell him of course, no worries, a piercing cry rings through the night. The two boys look at each other in shock, frozen for just half a second. The second cry has them sprinting back into the apartment. 
"Eddy." Brett says as he yanks open the living room door and storms into the hallway.
"Go. Call me if you need me." Todd calls, just as his friend opens the door to the bedroom he's now sharing with Eddy and vanishes inside. 

"Oh my God." he whispers as he walks back into the living room and puts on some water for tea. No way is he getting to sleep right now, not until he knows things have settled down in that room, not until he can put Brett's sobs and Eddy's piercing howl from his mind. He falls down on the couch and now it's his turn to bury his face in his hands. 
"Oh my God."