Floating at Night

8. The Truth

Present...

His hand cupped my face.

I didn't even know that I was crying until he wiped my tears away.

Justin stayed silent the entire time I spoke. He stayed silent when I began to cry. And even now, the only noise he's made is a simple "shhh" as he lets his fingertips rake through my hair.
"Say something," I mumbled, my voice barely above a whisper.
He looked down at me, my head laying on his chest as he contemplated. "I get it now." I leaned up, looking into his eyes. "Get what?" He seemed almost too sure as he spoke again. "Everything. Why you were so against us giving it an honest try. Why you hated all those parties we went to. Why you hate him and why no one dares to mention him in front of you. I get it."

It seemed surreal. The fact that Justin now knew everything that I'd been hiding. There were a few details I left out. Everything seemed so, so distant in my memory. Just where I pushed it.
There were a few different theories Justin has as to why I finally told him. The first is that I'm in love with him.
I audibly gagged when he said this.
Another is that I finally let myself heal.
He said he's got a few more that I can't hear yet. I'm not ready, apparently.
"I've never told anyone about it before. Ever." He looked down at me. He placed his fingers under my chin and lifted my head up to look at him. Then he pressed his lips to mine so gently, as if he thought I would fall apart.
"I'm glad you told me."

As the sun played peek-a-boo through the blinds, it casted shadows on my wall. They danced as the sun rose and I stared pointlessly ahead. I woke up just before the sun made it's first appearance. I laid still when I realized that Justin stayed the night last night, holding me, all night. It's a serious matter now, because I have to pee.

"Good morning, baby." I closed my eyes, internally cussing myself for not holding it a little longer. He sat up, watching me try to sneak the rest of the way out of the room. "Noelle, I can see you. Why are you still tip toeing?" I stood still now, only moving my eyeballs. "What about now?" I asked, very slowly picking my foot up to step out of the room. "No, baby. I can't see you standing there trying to balance on one foot so you can move the other one extremely slow." He started laughing as I scowled at him. "Why do I put up with you?" I asked, walking toward my bathroom as he laughed even harder.

Ali smirked at me as I pulled a chair up to our usual two person breakfast. She made bacon and eggs and I made pancakes. There are four stools total, but we put two of them in the living room by the sofa to use as dinner trays when we eat dinner together in there. Dragging one of them back into the kitchen really broke up my routine, now I'm mad.

"Don't smirk at me like that." Justin was in my room, finding all of his clothes from last night. I don't know why he insisted on sleeping in his boxers but he did. Maybe he thought if I saw that fine body of his, he'd get lucky.

"I never thought I'd see the day..." Ali started, smiling. "No. Don't read into this. I was just in a bad spot last night and I did not want to be alone." She smirked again. "Then why didn't you kick him out after I got home. Or, even after you did the nasty?" I rolled my eyes. "We didn't have sex last night." She fixed her a plate as I fixed one for me and one for Justin.

"Hey, Ali." Justin sat at the table beside me, taking a very large bite out of his pancakes. He drowned them in syrup and then did the same to his bacon. "So, are you two like, going out?" I nearly choked on my eggs as Ali started her grueling list of questions. "Ali, shut the fuck up." She ignored me and kept going. "I've been waiting on you two to admit that you have something there. It had to have been something, I mean, Noelle didn't sleep with anyone else." I kicked her under the table. Hard.

"We're not dating. Please stop. Nothing has changed," I whispered loudly. It's not that I didn't want Justin to hear, because he could very well hear me, I just didn't want to yell this early in the morning. "Oh, sorry." Ali was looking at Justin when she said this. I glanced over and noticed his change in demeanor. He slumped down in his seat and just picked at his food. "Well, not yet." I finished. He looked up at me, hope in his eyes, and for the first time in a long time... I considered what it would be like to love him the way he wants.