Floating at Night

14. Love

My mother used to tell me that when you fall in love, you forget about every man who has ever had your heart. You forget about the failed relationships, the hurt, the loneliness.

None of it mattered anymore.

But I don't think that that is always the case.
I loved Baker. I didn't want to, but I did. We spent years falling in love, then once we finally had what we'd wanted, each other, he left.
I can't fault him for any of his behaviors throughout our short time as a couple, because he was perfect. But I hold no one but him accountable for leaving me. Even now, with Justin, I can barely stand the fact that he is leaving. I keep finding myself with the feeling of bile rising in my throat when I imagine him just leaving and not coming back.
But I know that what I'm feeling isn't because I'm in love with him, it's because I remember all too well what it felt like when I was abandoned by Baker.

And I never want to feel that way again.

"I'll call you when I can."

His voice was still ringing in my ears as he drove off.
I turned around, expecting to find my driveway empty and myself alone. Instead I'm met by Ali's pitying expression. "It's not a big deal." Ali gave me a soft smile. "It's okay to be sad, Noelle. It's okay that you care." She looped her arm through mine as we walked back into my house.
The sun was setting, casting an orange glow over the living room through the old window. "Why aren't you hanging with David?" I asked. She shrugged, "I think we broke up."
"You what?" I had no idea.
"Yeah. I couldn't handle him telling Baker everything I'd say or everything about you. It was like he was a secret agent. I couldn't keep doing that to you."

She broke up with the first boyfriend she's had in years... for me?

"Ali, no. Do not lose him because of me."
"It's done, Noelle. It's not a big deal." She looked at me pointedly as she repeated my own words back to me.
"Well. It looks like you could use a night out," I pulled her into my side and dragged her up the hall to my room. "I really could, you know."

Half an hour later we were dancing in the bar downtown and taking shots of whatever was the cheapest. Her arm looped through mine for almost the entire night.
"How you doing, baby?" A man snakes his arm around my waist, pulling me flush against his chest. "No thanks, not into it." He ignored my feeble rejection and let his boney hand graze over my ass. "Back off, Edward scissor hands." I growled out, being met with a shocked expression. "Ooh, feisty. I like me a feisty girl." He was laughing as I shoved at him, which just made his grip tighten around me.
My heart was racing out of control. The panic coursing through me as I realized he had no intention of letting me go. "I'm serious, stop." I said. His eyes were glazed over, tequila all over his breath as he leaned in and drew a long, deep breath through his nostrils. "You smell like cotton candy. I wonder if you taste like cotton candy too," his voice was like nails on a chalk board. Every hair on my body stood at alert.
Just as the contents of my stomach threatened to spill all over him, Ali stepped up beside us. "She said get the fuck off of her. Do we have a problem?" She stood tall, ignoring the overwhelming size of this man.
"I think we don't. You might if you don't get out of my face," he side stepped toward her and gave me the space I needed to bring my knee up to his pea sized balls. He doubled over, groaning as he hit the floor. "Maybe next time," I huffed, "don't be such a prick."

Ali jogged over to me as I threw my purse toward the front door of David's house. "David!!" I yelled. She begged me to shut up, she begged me to leave. But if there's one thing I realized while that creep felt me up, it's that life is short. And without David being our bodyguard, it's going to be a lot shorter.

Yes, I am here for purely selfish reasons.

"Noelle, please." I looked over at Ali's saddened eyes as David stepped outside. I picked up my shoe and threw it straight for his head. "You asshole!" I yelled. There are no neighbors to be woken. "What the fuck did I do, Noelle?" He dodged my shoe with ease.

I'd like to think that with a little less alcohol in my system, I could've nailed him.
I crossed the yard quickly, shoving hard at his chest as he met me half way. "I gotta piss, can I use your bathroom?"
Sidetracked.
"Wait, that's not why I'm here." David was trying not to laugh at my drunken state, he was failing.
"I'm sorry. You and Ali shouldn't break up." He glanced behind me, at Ali I'm sure.
"I can deal with Baker. Really. I promise. But you two are perfect for each other. And if we go out again, like we did tonight- to the bar downtown, you know the one? Anyways, we need you there as our body guard because those guys are creeps. You should've seen the creep that was feeling me up tonight. I need a month long shower to wash him off of me." I realized that I was rambling at about the same time I realized someone had joined us in the yard.
"What did you say?"
Baker's eyes were filled with rage. All I could focus on was his muscular torso. He's not wearing a shirt. He's gotten so many tattoos since before, his ribs are covered in some words, a vine of roses climbed up his chest to his shoulder where it disappeared behind his jacket sleeve.
My mouth was practically watering.
"Noelle. What the fuck did you just say?" His hair was a mess, the best kind of mess.
"Hi, Baker."
His face softened at my voice.
The alcohol was still burning in my veins, the drowsiness setting in as Baker took a step closer to me.

Just one more step and I would feel his body heat.

"Baby, come back to bed!"

My eyes locked on the short, black haired, gorgeous, girl that stood in the front door.

Wearing nothing but a shirt.

Baker's shirt.