Best Served Fake

forty-nine // a human-sized dick sponge

I never thought an injection of thousands of dollars into my bank account would make me sob, but apparently, I was not as well-adjusted as I thought I was. Because the money for repairing my car wasn't just a kind gesture of paying me back; that money was a symbol of everything we owed each other. I didn't feel great about the vague blackmail, but Kai and I were, to an extent, in each other's orbits due to the tangible debt that sat between us. He needed me, because he couldn't afford to fix my car, and I needed him because I wanted to viciously kick my ex-boyfriend in the heart. And balls. That money said I don't need you anymore.

So, yeah, I cried for roughly one hour per day, because any more than that felt un-feminist and a little pathetic. Plus, I kept having to reapply mascara and at the rate I was going, I'd need to buy a new tube soon.

Well, at least I have the goddamn money to afford it now.

There was a lapse of four days between Kai's payment and the return to school after Easter break. I knew Madi wasn't working that day, and I had graduated from wallowing alone, to wallowing with emotional support. So, when Madi picked me up out the front of my house to take me to school, McFlurry's that it was far too early to eat in hand, I'd had to resist the urge to bawl.

She didn't ask me about Kai until we'd almost pulled into the car park.

"Why didn't you call me a week ago?" Madeleine asked, a frown settling between her brows. "I could've asked Jamie what was going on. Or just, you know, been there for you."

I shrugged, looking at the leaves rustling outside the car window. I couldn't meet her sympathetic gaze. "I didn't want to think it was true. I felt—feel—stupid. And mostly confused."

"I'm confused, too," said Madi quietly. "It was real with him. I know it was. I saw it."

"It was real," I said firmly, because despite everything, despite the lack of communication and the fact he was at Tommy's and the utter severance that the money represented, none of that aligned with the boy I knew. I'd never had such complete understanding of another person in my life, and a fundamental part of me knew that something wasn't right with the whole scenario.

I was intuitive. I'd always known Kai liked me; had never doubted it for a second, really. I wasn't like Lena Montez and that puppy-dog lover she cluelessly dragged around behind her and I wasn't like Jamie and Madi, who could hang out casually and never have it mean anything. I'd known it was real, that we could last, and my only hesitation was the few scant months separating heartbreak and Kai Delaney, who I believed had the power to own mine irrevocably. He wasn't known for commitment, and I'd just been testing the waters to see if I could change his mind. And I was so positively, overwhelmingly certain I had. So, what had changed?

"What are you gonna do?" Madeleine asked quietly. It was only then that I noticed she'd parked in the Horny Corny, obviously without the purpose of hooking up. She was probably just giving me a moment of privacy to cry, if I needed it. But I hadn't even cried over my boyfriend of two years; I refused to cry over this again.

I shrugged. "Try and talk to him, I guess. He owes me an explanation, at the minimum."

Madeleine's countenance was dark. "He owes you a shit tonne more than that."

"Not financially anymore," I said on a sigh. "I suppose the one advantage is I'm no longer classified as a blackmailer. I'm reformed!"

Madi snorted. "You were never a blackmailer. You're too short."

"I was unaware that height was a requirement in the blackmailing community."

"Sure it is. You have to be intimidating."