𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈𝐟 𝐖𝐞 𝐅𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐈𝐧 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞

CHAPTER 44: ROSE

I'm staring at the new book sent by Ryan. He send a note with it saying '𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘵𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘪 𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘢 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶.'

Yes, he annotated a book for me. My curiosity won and I started reading the dialogues he underlined or highlighted. Under every underlined/highlighted sentence was a post-it where he wrote his thoughts or his opinions.

Under a love confession, he wrote how much he loves me and doesn't want any woman except me and that how much he regrets hurting me. Under a apology, he wrote 'sorry' multiple times saying he'd say it a million times if I ask him to, he just wants me to come back home.

In the last note, he wrote: '𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘶𝘴𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘥𝘰. 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘢𝘱𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘪𝘻𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵, 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘤𝘳𝘶𝘦𝘭 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘶𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘦. 𝘉𝘶𝘵, 𝘙𝘰𝘴𝘦, 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵, 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘢 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯. 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘴𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘥 𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘦, 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘪𝘴 𝘶𝘯𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘴 𝘐'𝘮 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦. 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘴𝘰 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘭𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯, 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘦. 𝘐 𝘥𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘮𝘦. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦.'

My heart started aching after reading the last note. I shut the book and I've been staring at it ever since. My heart keeps repeating one sentence over and over again.

I want Ryan.

Last night's memory flashes into my mind.
I walked downstairs after getting ready and stopped on the last step when I saw Ryan holding Sarah. He wasn't just holding Sarah, he was talking to her like she can understand him. I couldn't stop the smile spreading across my face when I caught them. I stayed quiet and watched as Ryan told Sarah that I'm upset with him. He also mentioned that we were suppose to have a child and that he wants me to become a mother- with him being the father.

Watching Ryan talk to Sarah lightened my heart and when he kissed her tiny head, my heart melted. Right then, my heart said that I still love him.

I smile at the memory. Ryan doesn't know I caught him talking about his life to a 2 year old. I couldn't stop thinking about it and today morning Ryan sent me an annotated book which made me admit my true feelings.
I love Ryan.

                            ----♡----       
             
Ryan suggested to take me to Joseph's- my father's house- I didn't argue with him. I want him there with me, I don't know if I will be able to talk to him. Me and Joseph have talked in the past but dad never liked him. I never understood why, I thought it was some business rivalry. I never questioned.

A knock comes on my door.

"Ryan's outside." Bree says.

"Okay, coming." I say as I grab my birth certificate and put my purse over my shoulder. I walk out of the room and make my way downstairs. I don't know if he'll believe me that I'm his daughter so as proof I'm taking my birth certificate with me.

"I'm leaving," I say as I reach downstairs.

Bree looks up from the couch, she's holding Sarah in her arms, "okay," Bree says giving me reassuring smile.

I told Bree everything last night. From how I found out John was the one who killed Jack to how my parents lied to me. Bree listened attentively as I told her that Ryan is going to take me to Joseph's, I noticed a small smile appear on her lips. She still has hope for us.

"be safe." Bree says

"I will, Bye." I wave at them before walking out.

I close the door behind me and look up, Ryan's standing by his car, his arms crossed while his head is lowered. He's wearing a white shirt with black pants paired with white shoes. My eyes trail the line of his forearm muscles, whenever he wears white, it traces out his muscles and I-

"Rose?"

Ryan's deep, husky voice brings me out of my thought. I lock gaze with him, heat rushing through my veins to my cheeks. He just caught me checking him out.

He frowns, tilting his head "are you okay?"

I nod, my lips pressed together "yes," I clear my throat and look away from away "let's go."

"okay."

We both walk towards his car, he opens the passenger seat and holds the door, I get in, murmuring a "thank you," he shuts the door before walking around the car and getting in the driver's seat. We put on our seatbelt before Ryan starts the car and drives off.

                         ----♡----

It has been 30 minutes of uncomfortable silence. The environment in the car is uncomfortable and cold- maybe its because of the air conditioner.

I always part my lips to start a conversation but end up staying quiet. I don't like that we're not talking. I miss him even when he's sitting beside me. I need to start a conversation to tell him that I want us to try again.

I wrap my arms around myself and release a light breath. Maybe I should've brought a jacket-

"You can turn down the AC if you want," Ryan's voice break the silence.

I look at him, his eyes are fixed on the road, his right hand on placed on the steering wheel while his left hand rests on his thigh.

I tear my eyes away before I get lost in inappropriate thoughts about Ryan. I look at the air conditioner as I say "yeah, thanks." I lower the temperature of the AC before leaning back in my seat. I rest my hands on my lap and look down to stare at my palms. I press my lips together then part them as I look up at Ryan to ask him "how far is his house?"

"uh, it's few minutes away- I'm sorry, I should've told you-"

"No, no, its okay." I say "I was just... making sure."

"oh, okay."

I nod before continuing the conversation "I read the book you annotated."

Ryan's shoulder tense for a second before he says "oh,"

"yup."

"And...?" he trails off.

"And... you're very poetic." I say, chuckling.

"oh.." he says "thanks?"

I let out a small sigh. Him not looking at me while I'm talking is making me pissed. He always looks at me when we're talking- at least glances at me.

I continue to stare at him. He senses me and finally glances towards my direction before looking back at the road "what?"

"Did you give up?" I ask

"on what?"

I hesitate before saying "me."

"what?-" he glances at me with a frown "no! what makes you think that?"

I don't say anything.

"Rose, answer me-"

"why did you tell John that everything about us was fake when he asked you?" I ask "were you embarrassed?"

"No."

"then?"

He sighs before speaking "John has never had good intentions for you. He never had good intentions for me because of what dad did to his father. He blames us- the Hartford's- for his family's death." I stare at Ryan, my gaze softening as he continues "I knew his so-called friendship was just a game to draw me closer to him. I kept him away from Bree, I kept him away from Jack and when-" he releases a shaky breath "when he started finding out that I was being affectionate and kind towards you, he would've made you his target to destroy me and... and it would've worked."

Ryan locks gaze with me for a second before tearing his eyes away and continuing "I was going to tell you everything- everything from the start to the end. I just wanted to do it after I took care of Jack." his expression changes to annoyance "Aiden couldn't bring the letter sooner-"

"wait, what?- you got a letter?" I cut him off

"yeah, from your dad- Mr Graham." he glances at me "did you?"

"Dad gave me that letter the same night I found out I was going to marry you." I say "he said that he wanted me to forgive him and mom." my gaze lowers, I stare in a distance as I continue "I got scared.. I didn't want to hate them so I never opened it till-"

"the night I left to attend the business event." Ryan finishes.

"Do you know John threatened dad not to open his mouth or he'd kill me?" as soon as the sentence leaves my mouth, Ryan's grip on the steering wheel tightens and his jaw clenches. "I'm sorry."

Ryan's gaze shifts towards me, I bite my lower lip, nervously.

Ryan looks back at the road. He pulls the car to the side and turns off the car before turning towards "sorry for what?"

"I should've opened the letter sooner-"

"you were scared, sweetheart. You didn't want to hate your parents, I understand that." Ryan says.

My eyes sting with unshed tears, I shift in my chair "would've you still killed him if I told you earlier?"

He nods.

"would you-" my voice cracks "would you have stopped if I told you to?"

He stares in my eyes before he says "yes."
I stare at him for a second before look down at my hands and quickly wipe my tear.

"I don't regret what I did, Rose." Ryan says, I look at him "the only thing I regret the most in my life is... not being able to save Jack and... hurting you."

I stare into his eyes. His eyes tell his every emotion, his eyes are a mixture of sadness and regret.

I'm about to say something but Ryan turns towards the road and starts the car "we're few blocks away." he says before he starts driving.

I don't say anything. I sit back in my seat and stare at the road ahead of me. Ryan might still think I don't believe him but I do. And I'll tell him.

I'll show him.