Blinding & Binding

On Trusting

She hid away like a ghost. Trying to find her in the endless vines which trapped me in place was almost impossible. I knew she was still there, watching me closely as I pottered around on the beach and the nearby forest edge. I wanted to tell her that I knew she was watching me, but for some reason I could not let the words escape from my lips.

Ever since I had invited Medusa for tea, she has acted strangely silent. She never once spoke to me again after that day and I have found myself missing the comfort of her presence near me. She was the only other person in so long who I knew did not intend to hurt me. At least not yet.

Pouring two small glasses of lemon water, I placed one on the window sill and drank slowly from the other. The bitter tang was a reminder of the many tarts I enjoyed back in Troy.

The cup never moved and I started to wonder if I really had met a girl named Medusa or if I had fallen so far into my own mind that it was creating delusional stories to occupy the aching loneliness creeping its way in between my ribs. Chills flutter across my skin but I shake the eerie feeling away.

I decided to do something with the remaining light of the day and savour the warmth of the wind before it became too much for my bare arms. Setting down my cup of tea, I left the safety of my small abode and wandered along the sandy beach. I didn't know what this place was called. I would like to think that it was perhaps something like a home to me but even then if I was to admit this to myself, I would have to permanently let go of my family in Troy. I couldn't do that even if I knew deep down they were all gone. They were nothing but glowing ashes becoming the foundation of a new city, a new empire.

I knew that slowly, I would grow used to it; I would no longer sit in silence, wallowing in the emptiness which had been left behind and instead, I would learn to grow and embrace my newfound freedom. That was what it was... Freedom. It was something I had always longed for and yet, now when I was presented with it, I felt nothing but the cracking ache of my soul yearning for the past to undo itself.

I imagined myself talking to one of my many sisters and I know they would have all told me the same thing; One day you will need to learn to grow from your grief, and flower in your newfound hope. It was easier said than done. I tried speaking these words to myself as if repeating them might miraculously result in my overwhelming happiness. Of course, it did not. However, I did find myself feeling as though a weight was being dragged from my chest and allowing me to breathe properly. I stopped expecting to be thrown back beneath the waves or hauled into the miserable depths of the stinking hull of the Greeks' ship and started to relax.

As I walked along the sandy beach of my new home, I relished in the soft breeze that nipped at my ears and brushed my hair in every other direction. Grains of sand rubbed between my toes and water lapped at my ankles. I felt at ease.

I tried to picture the view in front of me; the soft whites and blues and yellows flowing as one together in a symphony of endless strokes of water coloured paints. Light cascaded in flourishing waves of smooth limerence. A figure stood in the distance. Medusa. Young and beautiful and full of unfiltered life. Imagining her embracing the waves made me smile as I fiddled with the cuff of my linen top.

All of a sudden, something caught around my foot, causing me to topple over and into the muddy sand. Having no sight was something I would never be entirely adapted to.

"Gods, what am I going to do with you?" a voice muttered whilst I pushed myself away from the ground, spluttering like a maniac as I attempted to rid my mouth of the grainy mess of sand. Hands pulled me into an upright position and wiped the wet sand from my brows and nose.

"I leave you alone for one morning, and you are already finding yourself drowning." I was struck with a moment of sonder as Medusa dragged me to my feet and towards what I assumed was a more comfortable and dry place to sit on the sand. I couldn't help but laugh.