SYMPHONY; dead poet society one-shots

late night talks; knox overstreet

warning: angsty and overall just a practice write.

He laid still in her bed, she played with a strand of his hair gently to help him go to sleep but he couldn't. His thoughts were running rapidly, stopping once on unnecessary ideas and then picking up his pace on things that were logical. The cuddling, the talking hours on end was a thing of the regular but now he couldn't stop replaying unnecessary scenarios in his head. She looked at the way he bit his bottom lip, a small frown on her own face. She sighed and laid flat on her stomach, her face was turned in the opposite direction as she went into her favorite sleeping position: the freefaller.

It was dark in her room now, he had to squint to see where her closet would be in the morning. Sleep did not tempt her, she was awake most nights. And like most nights, he'd stare at the wall and smile melancholically. Not for him, but for her. She always just stared...for god knows what reason.

"I'm assuming we'll have to do this all over again tomorrow."

He turned around to face her, gently pushing her hand away from the position that was sure destined to make her hand go numb. She looked at him, squinting because it was too dark in her room. She smiled as well after a few beats, "Do what again?"

"I don't know," he mumbled. His eyes trailed away from her, "Not knowing what's going to happen and still anticipating the failure. I mean, I woke up this morning and I already knew I was going to be such an awkward mess seeing you. I messed up our first outing since summer started, and now I set the mood for the rest of the year. I can't afford to live in your silence, I can't afford to lose the friendship."

"Knox" she laughed lightly as he started to ramble, grabbing onto his shoulder so he could remember to breathe. "That's not going to happen! This is only going to happen once, trust me I can't afford to lose this friendship either. Look, there's no strings here. All we have is our words so we have to watch what we say, we need to be there for each other. As long as I have you it doesn't matter."

"Why aren't you always this optimistic?"

"What do you mean?" her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, he shook his head and got out of bed. She held the blanket closer to herself, he walked over to the mirror and dragged it to the side of the bed, locking the wheels back in place when it finally got where he wanted it to be.

"I messed things up. It's not hard to admit that," he signaled her to get out from her blanket, she hesitantly did so and got in front of the mirror with a pillow over her stomach. "You looked at yourself in this mirror for an eternity wondering 'Why did he kiss me?' Like...I don't know why I did. And I don't know why I am laying down next to you right now. What if....what if I like you?"

"If you did you wouldn't be asking yourself in front of me."

He sat down next to her, sitting the pillow inside and kissed her cheek softly, "I think we should be friends, y/n. That's all we should give each other, and I'll force myself to be okay with that."

He looked down at her lips for a millisecond before placing an even longer kiss on her forehead, "I wish things could be different."

"Why can't it, Knox? The cards are in our hands, we can change this."

They weren't making direct eye contact, they were talking to each other through the mirror. His muscles slightly flexed as he hoisted himself on his elbows, the midside of  her nightgown bundled up as she craned herself to look at him. He continued his contact with the mirror, she sighed lightly as he began to glare. "We don't like each other. Let's just say that to each other right now. Chet Baker wrote that song about me...if I were to like you I'd fall in love too fast. You deserve something slow, something genuine. Not the puppy love I feel. I know myself better than anybody and I don't want you to be there when I ride off this high."

Her breath hitched slightly before her face twisted into a mixture of emotions so intense she didn't know which one was more prominent. Her nose was crunched up as she felt her heart tightening.

"We talk about this all the time and you're probably so tired of hearing it over and over. But it's getting to the point where it's hurting our friendship."

"Don't you think talking to me this way is ruining it even more?"

"Perhaps," he admitted. "But at least I'm showing you my true colors. I won't let you color in the sheet for me."

There was a thick ball in her throat as she was trapped in her own thoughts, wanting to suddenly scream from pent up frustration but her fists became a ball at her sides instead and plunged it down on her mattress. "Have you ever thought of how it would feel?"

He looked away from the mirror and at her with wide eyes. His mouth was dry, palms sweaty. She looked so pretty with the minimal light the moon had to offer, her pink nightgown complimented her tanned skin.

"It's a natural thing," he mumbled, she scooted closer. "I mean we grow into our bodies and it's obvious that sometimes we're going to feel differently toward each other. I think about it sometimes but I can't act on it because I care about you too much to lose you. You don't deserve the me I become," he looked down at her hands playing with the blanket. "But I know you wish I didn't care so much."

"It's usually overrated for you."

Knox's breath was caught in his throat as y/n smiled to herself, she innocently continued, "But I get it."

Knox pushed the mirror aside with his foot, he remained sitting up but he contemplated calling it a night or continuing the conversation. His nostrils flared slightly, "Wow, I didn't expect that answer," he laughed slightly.

"We have to be honest with each other."

He turned to her, pushing the mirror aside with his foot. He was now laying on his side, her nostrils slightly flared. "You know, that's one of the things I really value between us. That raw honesty that you'd never give up for anything in the world. It's one of the reasons I consider you my best friend. I'm so glad we can talk everything through."

"You'd tell me when the feelings went away, right?"

"If it wouldn't hurt, yes," Knox shrugged. Y/n turned on her light and backed onto the headboard, "Really?"

"But for now, let's just be like this," he pulled her back suddenly and she went into fits of laughter. She quieted down as he flipped her into little spoon. She smiled to herself and closed her eyes. She felt a peppered kiss on her temple, "Stop being so pretty, it just makes this more difficult."