Scared And Scarred

3️⃣ 6️⃣

It is 5 o'clock and I am wide awake because I hardly slept the night before.
Today is the day of the test and I won't lie, I am scared. The concern on the faces of my cold and ruthless family signifies that the test would be anything but easy.
It was no use attempting to get any more sleep so I quickly went to the washroom did the morning clean-up routine, changed into a fresh set of clothes and went down, to the garden. Sitting on the old swing, swaying slowly as the morning breeze played with my hair, This serenity was enough to calm me down. The rising sun rose my spirits. I was again confident in the decision I made. 

As I was lost in my thoughts, I didn't realise when a hand gripped my shoulder.

"dad"

"When I couldn't find you in your room, I knew you would be here."

"Why were you looking for me?"

"Xia, for today's test, girls train for years. They only go for it when they are sure. any second thoughts at any time, you should quit princess. "

"I am a thousand per cent sure papa."

"Normally a mom talks and briefs about the test to her daughter. But unfortunately, you don't have a mom but you can have your mother's words. She knew she was dying but she still was positive that we would have you back. She gave me this diary one day and said 'Nic, keep this safe for my princess when she comes back, and if I am not around, give it to her, these will be my last words to her.'"

Tears were freely flowing through my eyes as my shaking hands took hold of the diary from Dad.

"Take your time princess, go through it. Whenever you are done, come in for breakfast."

"Okay, papa."

With shivering fingers, I opened the diary.

'I am so happy, my girl, that you are back to where you belong. Your family.
I am sorry I couldn't wait enough to at least say my final goodbye. But love, you may not have me but you are a huge family and they all cherish you. You know your brothers may act all cold and unbothered but it's just a mask. They'll notice your smallest detail and secretly take care of you. I don't know how they are now, but I am sure,
Lucas would still be acting all grown up and overly protective brother, ordering everyone around, princess, let him solve all your problems, he'll feel accomplished.
Martin never shared his feelings with anyone other than me, princess, spend some time with him and force him to bare his heart to you.
Issac, I hope he is still not that tough nut. He takes the longest to open his heart to anyone. Princess, make sure to never break his trust.
Felipe, he is just the opposite of Issac, my good boy, selfless and caring. Princess, make sure no one takes advantage of him.
Yahel, my baby. He notices everything but doesn't show it. Tries hardest to keep everyone together. Princess, wipe his tears hidden behind that smile.
Alicia, my angel. The most innocent yet most strong child of mine. Princess, always take care of her and remind her of her strength.

You know why I asked you to look after everyone, even though you are the youngest. Because love, only you can do that. Only you have the key to their hearts and souls.

Love, whenever you feel that things are getting overwhelming, just close your eyes, take deep breaths and shout to the world that 'Bring it on, I am a princess, I was born ready, come what may.' and believe in yourself.

When choices are tough, trust your heart. It's mostly right.

I wish I were there to see you in the crown but remember this for your 'Los Lobos Test' and the rest of your life-

They are strong but you are not weak.
They may be fierce but you are the queen.
They look in your soul when you look in their eyes.
Let your honesty and innocence be your pride.
If they trust you, they'll eat from your hand.
If they don't, they'll eat your hand.
That's how the world is my girl.
Be smart, not selfish
Be kind, not foolish
Be strong, not heartless
Princesses are not made, they are born.
'You are a born fighter'
Remember this and get your crown.

Go get it my girl. With lots of love and blessings.
-Your Mami