Am I a coward . . . perhaps I am. Because I ought to like only, the idea of love.
I wrote it in my notebook,
That holy week,
17th of April.
Said I would want to care or adore –
Or love someone.
And it would not be one sided,
It would be reciprocated;
That I would want to love someone,
And be loved too.
I thought it would be amazing or awesome,
To care for someone romantically –
I would want to care for that person,
And fill him with my love.
Love someone for who they are,
Do sweet things to him.
But now the 13th of September,
I realized there is no such thing as not one-sided or unrequited in the first stage of love –
How is it possible?
And how will I ever know?
I have never been in love.
And when I am near to falling in love,
I stop myself to get back on track;
The truth is I am a coward in love,
When I am near to falling –
I stop myself from feeling,
Because I am a coward in love.
I cannot confess,
Because we are not fictional characters;
This might not be a slow burn story at all,
And I do not want to get my heart burned.
In the end, you are not even going to hurt me;
In the very end, I am the one who is going to hurt myself.
They say feelings are always worth feeling no matter what it is.
But sometimes, it is very irrational;
Feeling things just because they are supposed to feel,
It is tiring.
When I am near to falling in love,
I suspect things – I get confused,
And I will stop myself from falling;
When I am near to falling in love,
I lose hope,
"Maybe he does not feel the same."
I get heart break,
"Because we are very different,
I am nothing like him."
I question,
"If I am just going to break and feel hopeless,
Then this makes no sense at all."
And I stop feeling things.
So how will I ever fall in love?
If I am scared of the casualties before it;
How will I ever fall in love?
If I let the universe make the move for me;
How will I ever fall in love?
If I am a coward in love.
Or maybe it is not just the right time,
To fall in love just yet.
But what if it is?
And I slipped the chance.
Maybe there will be another chance.
And there,
I would not have to be a coward in love.
