Better Than Milkshakes, Better Than Boys (girlxgirl)

[42]

Clay avoided me for the rest of the week and then the week after that. He accepted that I didn't want to talk to him, and that he had a new partner in physics for the rest of the year. He must've had a conversation with Faye, because both of them stopped hounding me at the same time, and that fact made me angry. Not because they'd given me the space I had obviously been crying for, but because they were obviously talking more than they used to and for some reason that set my blood on fire.

I had been trying to kid myself for weeks, hoping that I wasn't seeing Clay in that photo, that maybe Faye was kissing another boy from another school. But the fact I watched them for weeks at school, hanging around together and avoiding me, forced me to believe that it was the two of them in that photo, and I think they had finally worked out that I knew.

I've been speaking to April occasionally, more often than not at my breakfast bar after she'd spent the night with my brother. It didn't make me feel as weird as it did before, and frankly I was warming to the idea, I'm just still butthurt she couldn't have pre-warned me she was seeing my brother before it was pushed in my face at Christmas dinner.

We kept it amicable at soccer practice, but the girls all knew the dynamic between us had changed. There wasn't any banter between Mackenzie and April over who got to pair up with me for drills, April being replaced by Freya for group work. I know that Raven was dying to press me for information, but she extended me a courtesy of keeping her interest in the gossip to herself.

We had just finished the final practice before we leave for the state finals, and it was evident that something needed to give between us. We were no longer working together as captains of the team, the communication had dried up. Hell, even simple things like the ability to read each other when making passing plays during scrimmages had pretty much stopped.

I mop the sweat from my brow with the hem of my shirt as I send the girls to the changing rooms, my eyes scanning at the cones and other equipment I needed to round up for Coach. We wanted to train for longer than she could stay for so she gave me the keys to the store cupboard, asking me to pack everything away and leave them on her desk for the morning.

Mackenzie sent me a glance, asking with her eyes whether I wanted some help, but the look on my face clearly said that I wanted some time to myself to mull over the thoughts overcrowding my brain at the moment. She nodded in understanding, kissed me softly on the lips and followed the rest of the team inside to the locker room.

I breathe out heavily from my nose before wandering around the pitch, picking up various cones and hurdles and shoving them in the bag slung over my shoulder. I'm being stubborn with April, I know I am, and I'm almost being as cold towards her as I am with Faye and Clay and that isn't fair to her.

I just feel awkward bringing it up. It's created such a massive rift between the two of us that I don't know if it'll ever repair itself properly. Like, the trust is gone between us now, and I'm not sure I could ever trust her in the same way again, which really hurts. I've lost the three people that I thought I could trust most in the whole world in the space of a couple of weeks and I don't know how to deal with it.

"Need a hand?" I hear a familiar voice ask me awkwardly from behind. I look up and see April standing behind me, the second kit bag in her hand. She looks tired, and not just from training. Dark circles are forming under her eyes that are visible against her pale skin. There is a distance between us that isn't just physical, and my heart aches at how far we've fallen.

I swallow harshly at the realisation, and just nod. An overwhelming feeling to just burst into tears washes over to me, and I knew if I opened my mouth or tried to speak I'd be opening the floodgates.