Lord of the Night

Chapter 67: What You're Thinking

For the next hour, I worked with Fraschkit, Bakvar, Jafflu, and Eranea to create a plan. Isalio stayed silent through the planning, and when he and I walked back toward the chamber we had been staying in, he fell a step behind me. I slowed so he could catch up, but he just slowed even further.

After pushing the boulder aside, I waited for him to enter, then rolled it back into place to give us a little privacy. By the time I turned back around, he faced away from me at the furthest part of the chamber, arms crossed and shoulders rigid.

I was afraid I had said things that had hurt him, but I was also frustrated. There was too much to do and too little time. We were both accustomed to pushing our feelings down to focus on what needed to be done; surely we could do so for a bit longer.

"Isalio...we don't have time for this right now."

"You want to keep practicing? Let's see if I can do it while facing away from you. That sounds fun."

"This isn't about fun."

"Oh, I know. It's about the plan you made with the other Guardians."

"It wasn't just Guardians making the plan. Eranea helped."

"What a relief."

I sighed. "Please just tell me what you're thinking."

"So now you want to know what I think."

I winced. He was right—I hadn't bothered to ask him what he thought during our planning. I had good reason for that, I thought, because while I might have been overly protective of Isalio, he was clearly far too eager to sacrifice himself. But I didn't want him believing Borgal's abhorrent claim.

"That thing Borgal said, about..." About you being my slave, but I couldn't even voice those repulsive words. "About you being the one giving me lifeforce now...I'm sorry I pressured you. But the way he said it is not at all how I—"

"I know."

"And I don't expect you to obey me. I know I can be forceful when I believe something strongly, but I'm not trying to control you, and I don't want you to just—"

"Stop. I know, Remgar. I'm not worried about that."

"Is this about the Duchess, then?"

"The Duchess?" Despite his apparent effort to give me the cold shoulder, his voice lifted in surprise. "What about the Duchess?"

"You were worried about her this whole time, and I never even brought it up."

He looked over his shoulder at me. "I don't blame you for that. You had plenty on your mind."

"You do too, and you still persuaded me to visit my father."

"But he's here, so you could actually do something about that. And anyway, you don't owe me anything."

I frowned. His first statement was logical enough, but the second one bothered me. "You don't owe me anything, either."

He turned back toward me. "I owe you the world."

My frown deepened. "You can't live life that way, Isalio."

"Like what?"

"Trying to repay a debt too big to ever be repaid."

For several seconds, he was silent and motionless. When he swallowed, I saw every part of the action—the lips closing, the throat constricting, the Adam's apple moving down.

"It is," he said finally. "Too big to ever be repaid."

Before I could protest, he continued. "Remgar, you talked about the plan to take Guardian lifeforce like it was Borgal's plan, but it wasn't his plan—it was mine. If everything had happened the way I wanted, you would have been strung up in the barn to slowly die."