A Bond for the Ages

Chapter 9

Severus stood on the porch, one hand in his pocket and the other holding a tumbler of rum as he stared blankly across his property, the sun slowly disappearing behind the horizon. Two days. It had been two days since the horrid Occlumency session with Malfoy. He'd avoided the boys since then, having been completely thrown by Malfoy's emotional outburst.

He knew he'd been completely out of line when he returned from the Death Eater meeting. He never should have said Potter and Malfoy were to blame. It was a terrible lie said in the midst of pain. He hadn't expected the boys to be awake and to confront him upon his return. He was used to dealing with meeting aftermath on his own. Piling it on top of everything else just had him far too stressed out and it had come out that night, and during the Occlumency lesson he never should have done. Calm and trust were required on both sides in Occlumency, and he hadn't ensured either of those things. It had simply been another way for him to release his stress and anger.

He'd been unfair towards Potter and Malfoy before, but this felt different, seemingly for all of them. They'd been together for just over two weeks, but something seemed to have changed, whether they really recognized it or not.

He was feeling immense guilt at telling Potter and Malfoy his torture was their fault, especially after Malfoy's tearful speech in the library. He already knew they blamed themselves and believed they deserved their abuse, but to have it yelled at him with such hopelessness...

He took a large sip of his drink as the last sunrays disappeared, leaving the land in darkness broken only by slivers of moonlight and magical orbs of light that floated around the property.

He needed to undo what he'd done, no matter how difficult or uncomfortable. He couldn't allow the boys to believe his lie and that they deserved to be abused so horrifically. He needed to do better, be better than all the others Potter and Malfoy had tried to rely on only to be failed tremendously and repeatedly.

He threw back the remaining alcohol and banished the glass to the kitchen. He steeled himself for an awkward conversation and went back inside.

"Potter! Malfoy!" he called, keeping his tone as neutral as possible. He heard doors and then guarded faces at the top of the stairs. "To the library. We must have a discussion."

He headed up the stairs and followed the teens to the library. He sat in his usual wingback while Potter and Malfoy sat stiffly in armchairs, staring at him with what he recognized to be hurt and fear. The sight pulled at him as he remembered the ease that had come to exist between all of them during the last week. It had been an almost comfortable acceptance of each other's presence and even help or understanding. No deep strides had been made in addressing Potter's and Malfoy's abuse, but some acknowledgements had been made. It had been his first step in getting them to understand they had been abused. Now, he had clearly destroyed any minute progress that had been made.

He gazed at them, resting his chin on his hand as he tried to figure out where to start. This type of conversation was not one of his strengths. He decided to, for once, just swallow his pride and put himself back at their age in a similar situation. He decided to do what he had always hoped anyone would do for him, but never did. He was sure it was something Potter and Malfoy had never received either.

"I want to apologize for my words and actions these past couple of days."

He held Potter's and Malfoy's dumbfounded stared steadily. He knew he was right. Neither boy had ever heard an apology for being treated badly. Why would they when everyone who mistreated them believed they deserved it and convinced them of the same thing? He himself was one of those people. This was not the first time he'd mistreated Potter or Malfoy. He'd mistreated them for years and had believed they deserved it. However, this was the first time he was acknowledging it and admitting he was wrong, both to the boys and to himself.