Starfall

Chapter 21 - Elyse

"Grandma, are you okay?" asked the little girl. She hadn't been able to sleep that night, and in her nightly wanderings, she'd found her grandmother rocking gently in her rocking chair.

"Yes, dear," said the old woman. Her thin white hair had lost all its glow; her bony fingers had grown brittle with age. "What's got you awake at this time of night, sweets?"

The little girl curled into her grandma's lap and laid her head on her chest. With her ear pressed against the old woman, she could hear the soft beat of a heart worn down by many decades of use.

The girl sighed. "I was thinking about my mother."

Her grandmother's eyes darkened. She pulled the girl a little bit closer, holding her tight. "Best not to think about her," she said.

"Why not?" In the warmth of the fireplace's glow, the little girl rubbed her eyes tiredly. "I want to meet her. I bet she was real nice. She probably woulda made fresh cookies every morning, and given me all the hugs and kisses I ever wanted—if she actually knew me, I mean."

The old woman's stare sunk into a place untouched by the girl's bliss. She fell back into memories she didn't want to revisit, into worlds of hidden stories and untold truths.

For a long time, there was only the gentle creak of the rocking chair and the soft crackling of the fire. The woman let it stay like that—at least, she let it stay like that for as long as she could muster.

Because she was dying, and she didn't know if she had the strength to tell the little girl a secret she'd kept for her entire life.

It was something she had barely spoken aloud to anyone at all. She didn't like thinking about it.

But . . . she was dying. And she didn't know how much time she had left.

I don't sleep.

How can I? There's nothing in my head but there is also everything. There is every mistake, every idiotic thing I've done today, all screaming at me in a chaotic entanglement of thoughts.

In the peaceful dark of the lower deck, tucked into a nest of blankets and pillows, I try to close my eyes. But then he's there, a knife in his stomach and his mouth saying words I can't hear. Because he's gone. I'll never hear his voice again, never hear his laugh. I'll never see him smile again, never see him look at me.

So I resort to wrapping my arms around myself and staring at the wall across from me. I read the labels of the cans that sit idle on the shelf. I make my eyes do something, anything.

It takes me a long time to realize that Leola's there, sitting on the bedside right next to my feet. She doesn't say anything. Neither do I.

It's just the whisper of the wind and the echo of someone I'll never see again.

"Elyse, can I tell you a secret?"

The little girl looked up at her grandmother, who still stared into the fire. Her eyes shone with potential tears.

"Sure, Grandma." She straightened and repositioned herself in the old woman's lap. "I'm good at keeping secrets."

Wrinkles pulled at the woman's eyes when she gave her a gentle smile. "You sure are." She tucked a strand of blond hair behind the little girl's ear. "But this one is very important, okay? It's just for me and you. No one else."

The granddaughter nodded, her innocent eyes wide.

It was a struggle for the woman to keep her expression calm when she told her, "Your mother is alive."