A Path To Understanding

Chapter 6

Ivy's pov

Monica is talking to Sarah about her boyfriend, and I would continue listening to them if my head wasn't hurting like crazy from hunger. And I thank god when the food finally arrives soon after.

I'm actually happy for Sarah from the conversation I caught up to. They actually have a sweet story, from the two of them meeting and Sam proposing to her at the start of second semester.

I'm about to finish my food when I see Xavier passing through me. I didn't even realise he was in the same resturant. I think about our conversation yesterday and recall something he said.

"maybe I'll never fall in love? If that makes sense."

His words may seem like a joke to someone, but it didn't to me. It felt like he was really saying that because he really felt that. And he said it out loud, I thought it would take guts to even say that. He was a shy guy, but he seemed confident there. And somehow it made me think: is it ok to feel like that? To probably never fall in love? But wasn't that very unconventional, even for our generation? 

I wanted to talk to him about this again.

..........

"Xavier?"

He looked up from his phone. "yeah?"

"How are you?" God, am I awkward.

He laughed. "I'm fine. Come, sit, why're you standing?"

I remembered he seemed sad before lunch, but I didn't bring it up. "You sure?"

"Yeah." I sat down beside him.

"Umm....so you finished reading the manga?"

"Oh, yeah, acutally...you remembered?"

"Yeah, I also remembered that you'll never fall in love." Sometimes I question my conversation skills.

"Oh." He didn't laugh. I figured.

"There's nothing wrong with that," I said then.

"Yeah, of course I know that," he said. "I don't care what people think, I've never fallen in love, and maybe I never will, and that's ok, I mean, it's one thing people don't get it, but honestly, some people never will and I'm used to it by now. Like, I have the basic knowledge that romance is not an adult thing, you know?"

"So it's ok for you to not fall in love?" I asked.

"Yeah, it's ok for anyone, me, even you, you know," he said.

I couldn't speak. I wanted to say many things then, but I didn't to what to say. I just wanted to let him speak, because his words affected me.

"Just saying in theory, you know," he added.

"Yeah, it's fine, no worries," I said, smiling.

He smiled back. "Cool."

...........

That day when I was returning to home I thought about it a lot.

So it was really ok for me to not fall in love? I mean everybody said that everybody would fall in love with someone romantically eventually, I never knew it was not the case for anyone.

I was not the best student, but I was pretty good, I'm not gonna deny, so I thought maybe I focused on my studies and friends so I never really felt romantic attraction, but what if I would never feel it anyway?

I was starting to think that Xavier was very cool, and that he had already helped me a lot and making a huge difference in my life.