Pretend It's Okay

2 - What happened to us?

Perrie yawned as she rolled over, her hand flying out to crash clumsily onto the top of her alarm clock. It worked, shutting up the horrible device. Without even looking at it she turned back to the middle of her bed, noticing without surprise that she was once again alone.

Alex was out with his friends just like he always was these days. It hurt deeply but at the same time Perrie completely understood. She hadn't given him the child he had always wanted, and now she couldn't give him herself like she used to either.

Slowly sitting up, Perrie stretched tall to ease the aching in her back, before shifting the duvet off of her body and standing up. The dizziness was expected and she instantly regretted drinking the wine at Jade's flat the night before. Whilst Leigh and Jade had multiple glasses she'd only had the one, but these days one was becoming too much.

Sitting back down quickly Perrie squeezed her eyes closed, focusing on her breathing to keep the nausea under control. It was rough and she almost had to make a dash for the bathroom, but with all of her experience with this situation she was able to get it back under control.

Perrie shook her head, scoffing at herself in disgust. She really was pathetic. No wonder Alex didn't want to be around her anymore. When he thought she was pregnant again he wouldn't leave her side, couldn't stop smiling. That was the last time he had called her beautiful.

With a sigh and a small grunt of pain Perrie stood up again, successfully this time, and made her way to her bathroom. It didn't take long for her to get ready for the day, heading to the studio.

She was absolutely exhausted, fighting herself to stay awake at Jade's but failed within fifteen minutes, using Jade as a pillow. She doesn't know if Jade or Leigh fell asleep but Perrie doesn't think they did. They weren't drunk, just a bit tipsy, and were still talking when she woke up again.

"Ah, Sleeping Beauty awakes." Leigh had joked whilst Perrie sat up. Jade just stared at her with a look that Perrie couldn't read. She wasn't sure if it was suspicion, concern, or if she was just completely overthinking everything.

At the studio Perrie was meeting with her team to put the finishing touches on a few more songs. The album was almost ready and promo was in full swing for the final single, Forget About Us and Roller Coaster having done better than she had expected.

Even with Ed Sheeran on the first song, Perrie hadn't expected it to do very well. Little Mix's first solo debut couldn't have gone any worse and whilst their fans were still interested in them, the general public had lost a lot of interest.

Leigh had done very well but had still underperformed to her label's expectations. Perrie vividly remembered holding Leigh when she broke down about all of her hard work still being affected by the drama.

Knowing she faced the same problem had been very daunting. Perrie was already terrified to release a song without writing credit from Jade or Leigh, as she trusted them completely to write something that represented her. She'd also always been the most anxious about stepping on stage even in the group, the other girls and their dancers hyping her up.

Her solo debut had gone incredibly well though the traction didn't last for long. Little Mix had never gotten very good streaming numbers and she debuted at an incredibly busy time for already established solo female artists, but her second single had reminded the world that she was still there and had a lot to say.

Using some tips from Ed and things she'd picked up from Jade and Leigh, Perrie had written most of the songs on her album. She'd always been the biggest creative voice for their actual composition and arrangements, having incredibly good ears, but she'd never had a very good way with words.