70. Fixing A Bond

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Lilly:


My mother instantly stood when she noticed me and she looked... tired. She had bags under her eyes which were a bit puffy. For the first time in what seemed forever, I saw her nervous. 

"Lilly," she greeted and I stayed still, shocked. 

She had never used my nickname, always referring to me by my full name. When I was a kid, and came up with the nickname, she scolded me, saying that I was being disrespectful to the name she gave me. But I continued to use it nevertheless.

Now I go by Lilly, and everyone knows me as such. I like it better. It sounds better and carefree, and happy. Liliana was longer to pronounce and sounded too serious.

"Mother," I greeted back. 

She winced.

"I hate when you call me that," she admitted but I don't say anything.

I was doing it on purpose, as a way to distance myself from her, to make her know I was mad and disappointed at her. The term 'mother' for me was impersonal and more serious. Detached. That's why I was using it. She needed to behave like a mom if she wanted that title back.

"Can we talk... alone?" she said after I didn't say anything.

I looked at Phoenix waiting for guidance, because honestly, I didn't know. I still didn't trust her.

Phoenix went ahead and sat down on the couch, giving his answer. "No."

I went and sat beside him. My mother sighed, defeated, and sat on the couch in front of us across the coffee table. My dad sat beside her but left a space between them.

We sat there, in silence, waiting for someone to break the silence. I was expecting my mother to start since she asked for me to come, but when she kept diverting her gaze around the room, not saying anything, I grew annoyed.

"So, am I wasting my time here?" I bit, staring at my mother.

My dad gave her a pointed look as if scolding her. My mother pressed her hands on her knees and closed her eyes as if preparing herself.

"I'm sorry," she finally muttered, and I raised a brow.

I couldn't help but be disappointed.

"Did you really struggle to let that out, uh?" I questioned, hiding the hurt in my voice.

Maybe I was wasting my time here after all.

"Cassandra," my dad hissed and she flinched.

My mother finally looked up at me, and I saw the regret and pain.

"Lilly, I'm sorry, I truly am..." she said, swallowing. "I... I know it's not an excuse, but I grew up in a household where emotions were frowned upon, so I learned to keep my emotions to myself, and never to show my vulnerable side..."

That surprised me. Honestly, I never met my mother's parents. She had one other sibling, who died when he was thirty-one in a car accident, and her parents died when I was two, so I didn't remember them.

Mom never mentioned them so I never really thought about them. Now I could understand that my mother grew up in a toxic environment, and grew to resent her parents. Her family was from Trinidad, and mom moved to La Havanna to study where she met dad and decided to stay.

Seemed like she didn't bring her parents around us because not even Ana met them.

Still, it wasn't an excuse.

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