Short stories

The Feeling

Fear seems to be what wants to consume me. The fear of losing people, losing my friends and family, but, that isn't the worse I fear. The worst of that fear is losing her. Losing my light to my darkness. Losing the only person that makes me feel loved. My worse fear is losing her, I love her so much, she's so much more to me then a girlfriend and friend. Though words can't describe how I think about her. How much she means to me could never be explained. She is my everything, she is my future. The day we met, I was scared to lose her, becoming closer and closer made Mr happy. I had a friend I trusted, a friend that cared. One that never got mad at me, and one that would be by my side. Knowing her sense 4th grade and in 5thI used to be afraid of growing up. I would be crying, scared. thinking about it. The thing that had calmed me down was the future I had with her, no feelings were devolved. Yet I had already said we would live together. I had planed our future sense the day we met. She had always been, someone so close, so important to me. I have always been afraid of losing her. Losing her to the friend she met in 6th grade. He is a close friend of mine to, don't get me wrong. He has been one of my longest best friends besides her. But when they are together something triggers me. I go into panic, feeling like I can't breath, crying as much as I can. My mind will work tell me I will lose her to him. Even if it doesn't mean they will date, just lose her because she figured out how bad I was. That I am not as good as she thinks. Something triggers my brain, to tell me that if they hang out I will be left. I always feel left out, and I hate it. I hate that and the feeling that happens when they hang out. The panicked feeling I get, scared I'll be left. I hate that feeling..the darkness has taken over and the feeling has set it's place leaving me to curl up at their feet, and lay the punishment I deserve