Miss General

chapter 20

To say I was pissed was an understatement. I was furious! Who does this Robert guy think he is? Is he trying to get my men killed? I mean, I know my men are good but this was a suicide mission. Will my training save them? God I hope so!

I barged in my office and slammed the door loudly. I was acting like a child and I didn’t care. Someone yelps and I realize that Connor is in my seat.

“What do you want?” I ask.

            Connor holds up his arms in surrender. “I can’t come visit my dear General?” He asks innocently.

            “No, you can’t. Now what do you want?” I ask irritably.

            “Jeez, why are you so grumpy?” His eyes darken. “Did something happen?”

            I sigh. “Yeah something did happen. And it’s not good.” I say.

            “Well what is it?”

            I look at him desperately and he seems to be taken aback by it. I never really did let my emotions show before. What have these men done to me? Connor reacts quickly and pulls me in for a hug. I wrap my arms around him and just breathe in the scent of him.

            “Please tell me.” He pleads.

            “Connor, it’s… it’s…”

            “What? You know you can tell me.” He says soothingly.

            “I don’t know what to do.” I whisper.

            I feel him shifting until he’s looking down at me. I’m at the verge of breaking down. Connor must have noticed because his arms tighten around me.

            “Anna. You know I’m here for you. Please, tell me. Not as your second-in-command but as your friend.” He says.

            I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I try to collect my thoughts for a moment and then open my eyes. Connor is looking at me, waiting patiently. I open my mouth to speak and it comes out barely as a whisper.

            “All my men are going to die.”

            I pale as soon as I say those words. It’s true. No matter what I do, the outcome will be the same. My men will die and there’s nothing I can do. I feel so helpless. What can I do? How can I change the outcome? How do I help them? This wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t come, would it? If I didn’t join the army, would these men still be alive? Would they all get to go home instead of going on a suicide mission? Would we have won the war? Would Cassy and my town have been safe the whole time instead of in danger? So many ‘what ifs’ are swirling in my head that I’m starting to get dizzy.

            “Anna!”

            I jump as my name is yelled. I look around and notice Connor is holding my shoulders, lightly shaking me.

            “What-?”

            “I should be asking you that. I asked you what you meant by everyone dying and all of a sudden you spaced out.” Connor yells.

            “Sorry, I just… I was just thinking if maybe I shouldn’t have come here. If I shouldn’t have come to this camp and became a General.” I say.

            “Why would you think that?” Connor asks.

            “Because I’m General, all my men will die.” I yell.