25. unwanted

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S O R E N

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S O R E N

From what I can remember, I've only been nervous three times in my life.

One; when my father gave the me the family ring. A ring all men of straight blood McKinin wore as soon as they became a man. The small pure gold crown in the centre pointed away from the heart if you weren't taken, and if you were, you were to wear it so the crown faced the heart.

Two; when I had sex for the first time. The fact I was drunk and was still nervous will forever confuse me.

Three; the day I watched my baby sister's tiny fingers uncurl from mine as her chest lay still. That was the day I gave up, the day I realized that nothing ever stays gold.

I pulled my hood up and shook off the faint feeling of nerves as the butler opened the front door. Today was the day I'd look Jay in the eyes and apologised. Something that clogged my throat and squeezed my lungs, just those two words.

Her father pushed his lips together in distaste, "Good Morning, Pendejo."

I took off my beanie and held out my hand, "Sir." He shook it reluctantly before calling for Jay who came into view a few minutes, her eyes widened and her cheeks flushed.

"Did you want to walk to school with me?" I asked over the shoulder of her father who was mouthing No.

She the gave the man she called her father a glare of embarrassment before turning to me, "Um, sure? Let me grab my stuff."

As soon as she disappeared further down her the hall the big man turned around, "Listen Pendejo, don't be getting cosy with mi hija. Remember the shovel." He pointed to his eyes then to me with a glare, then he was gone.

I nodded seriously, moving aside as Jay kissed her father on the cheek and walked down the path. I could feel his glare on my back as walked down the road, putting my beanie back on I felt a shivers trace my spine.

"Jay?" I grunted in response, "What does pendejo mean in English?"

She turned to look at me with weird expression plastered on her face, "It's slang for a son-of-a-bitch, why?"

I shook my head, "Nothin'."

We walked in silence as before I looked up to the dark clouds and sighed, "Why a lily? Why your butt too?"

"Very subtle." She huffed, she pulled her gloves up to cover her wrists, "Stuff happened, I turned to alcohol for one night and that happened." She gave me a knowing look, "You of all people should understand."

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