Hello Again, Sir {s/t - complete}

What About Now?: 16.

                “I’m sorry—” I apologised profusely, saying it one more time and gaining another ‘look’ “—I know it’s late to be disturbing you.”

                “Alex, you’re my son.” My mother replied in an obvious voice. “You woke me up for months in the middle of the night so you could be fed. This is nothing.”

                I took the cup of tea from my mom’s hand and sipped. The warm liquid made me smile, before I grimaced, being here reminded me about why I was here. “How is she? I’m sorry I didn’t bring her down earlier. I mean, she was just so upset, I couldn’t get her to say a word let alone bring her here—”

                “Alex,” my mother interjected, “it’s fine. It’s only gone eight. I’m not that old yet.” She grinned and then set herself down on the brown chair opposite the chair I was situated on. “Your father is seeing if he can talk to her now. She’s in shock, obviously. You’re father has experience with shock. He knows what to do best.”

                I swallowed and bit my lip. I still remember when our car crashed that day. I remembered, just before I got out, my father trying to talk to my mom. Trying to pull her from a state of shock, trying to make sure she was stable enough to get out of the car and into the ambulance. That night I had picked Hanna out of her car after she fainted herself, before screaming and crying. I remember she wasn’t in shock. When I got there, to her side of the car, her eyes were just dropping. Someone else had groaned and I realised that was the last breath of the driver – Hanna’s dad. I didn’t like to say his name, or think his name, because it always brought up bad memories but I took Hanna out and she soon woke up afterwards outside of the car in my jacket – which freaked her out and she began screaming, trying to get away.

                “Alex, honey, are you okay?”

                “Huh?” I replied, smoothing out my eyebrows. I didn’t realise that I was frowning…

                “Are you okay?”

                “Uh, yeah. I was just thinking. You know… about how Kodie… her reaction to whatever is going on reminded me of—”

                “Of Hanna?”

                “Yeah…” I replied quietly, pathetically. “Kodie reminded me of Hanna.”

                My mother took another sip, studying my face as she did so. “It’ll be okay, darling. I’m going to go and get the dishes from lunch off the side and put them in the cupboards.”

                “Sure. I’ll  go and see if Kodie’s okay.”

                “You’re good, Alex.”

                “Thanks mom.” I replied, and both of us stood up at the same time. I walked through my old family home, past the wallpapered landing which was full with photographs and then the door on the right which lead to the kitchen until I was at the back of the house. I took another sip of my tea and stood in the doorway, seeing my dad and Kodie sitting on chairs in the second living room, quietly talking. At the moment, I couldn’t hear what they were saying.

                Kodie’s eyes flickered at my face and then back to my dad who simultaneously turned around.

                “Hello, boy.”

                “Pap.” I replied, moving into the room as he moved himself along the chair. “How’re you doing?”

                “Good.”

                “Good.” I said, nodding encouragingly. I looked out of the corner of my eye and saw Kodie’s body stiffen. Her gaze lowered to her hands and she began pushing her fingers forcefully over her knuckles. “Dad,” I said without turning back to look at him.

                “Yes?”

                “Can you give us a minute?”

                My father didn’t even hesitate out of the door and I continued to watch Kodie from the corner of my eye for a few brief moments before taking a place in my father’s seat. “Kodie… are you okay?”

                She looked up but didn’t say anything.

                “Kodie, as your teacher, I need you to tell me if there’s something going on. You broke down into tears and then went into a state of shock. Please, tell me what’s wrong?” I leaned in to reach her shoulder so she would look up into my eyes but she just flinched away. I sighed lightly.

                “Kodie, please talk to me.” I tried a different tactic. “Not as your teacher, but as a… friend?”

                She blinked, and for a moment, made no other reaction. Until she cleared her throat.

                “Your name is Alex?”

                “How did you know?” I asked. My father had called me boy, not Alex. But then the thought occurred to me that when we arrived, my parents had greeted me by my name. “Oh, don’t worry.”

                “My brother was called Alex.”

                “Was?”

                “He died when I was very young.” She explained, skipping over the details. “I try not to think about that, though.”

                “I’m sorry.” I replied, feeling something tighten in my chest. She was talking so calmly, smoothly, but without any emotion at all. I almost believed that she wasn’t upset about her brother, but that pained look in her eyes gave her away. Other than that, she was a good actress. Why was she always hiding her emotions? Why couldn’t she just tell me what was wrong? Suddenly, angry boiled up inside of me. I didn’t usually get angry, just below that, but right now, I even felt my fists clench subconsciously. “Kodie?”

                “Yes?”

                “Did someone… hurt you? Earlier, that is.”

                She swallowed the lump in her throat and I frowned, my face twisting into an even deeper scowl. “Depends.” She said nonchalantly.

                “Physically?”

                She shook her head and I relaxed just a little. Dark thoughts had raced through my mind at that moment and I was relieved that none of those things were true.

                “Would you mind telling me?” 

                “About what?”

                My lips turned into a straight line. “About your life, if it helps to explain why you were so upset. It’s got to be something major.”

                “You don’t know what that’ll mean…” she whispered. “I was explaining to your father, if I tell—”

                “Telling is better than leaving it all bottled up. Come on, tell me.”

                Her mouth lifted into wryly smile. “That’s what everyone says. It’s better on your feelings, sure, but not for anything else. It doesn’t make your life any better. It sure as heck wouldn’t help mine.”

                The thought suddenly occurred to me that it was something to do with her parents. She seemed fine in class, sure the students weren’t always nice to her but they never drove her to break down, could they? It didn’t seem like she was the type of person to actually get beaten down by those who she probably – or I hoped – thought so little about. It now occurred to me that every single student had a problem in their life.
                “What happened to your brother, Kodie?” Maybe, I thought, her parents blamed her? That sometimes occurred in families when there were major tragedies. 

                “Alex…” she paused, took a large breath through her nose and then looked into my eyes. “Alex broke his neck.”

                I was shocked by the reply and I stood still. Broke his neck? How could he have possibly done that? Maybe he was athletic. I don’t remember hearing anything in the newspapers about an accident involving a young boy whose neck was broken. The paper always features an article for the people who’d got married or passed away in the week.

                “How?” I said quietly, before quickly adding, “only if you want to tell me.”

                “We were skiing and he had a stupid backpack on—” her voice cut out and water was forming in the corner of her eyes. I didn’t want to press her, but I wanted to know what was wrong and if digging up painful memories was the only way to do it, then so be it. “I told him not to bother taking it, dad had one on his back, but he wanted one to hold his juice. We were only little then.”

                “How old were you?”

                “I was five, my brother was eight.” She said. “We had to go up this t-bar, it’s a drag lift really. Shaped like a T. You have to rest your bum on it and hold on and it would drag you back up the slope.”

                “Your brother fell?”

                Kodie shook her head and rubbed her eyes. “No. We all had to line up and my dad lifted me up to get my ski pass to register through the machine and then, when he put me down, I skied on ahead. Our ski instructor grabbed hold of the bar and handed it to me. We sat on it together, he kneeled down so that it was on my bum, practically around his ankles, but he didn’t care so long as I was safe on the ride up the mountain. My brother protested that he wanted to go on one on his own, because I could hear him from behind and my parents had reluctantly agreed.  I just went on, thinking everything was fine, enjoying the holiday. There was a machine – like a combinen-harvestor, they called it the snow plougher – that smoothed out the snow working away on the slope just next to the t-bar drag.”

                “I know what you mean,” I said, encouraging her to continue.

                “Well we were all going up that and I had reached the top by this point and was looking down at all of my family coming up. My father came up on a t-bar on his own and just let go, turning around to look down as well. My brother was next, was meant to come up smoothly, with my mother following the next bar behind to make sure he got there safely. But he never did.”

                “Why?” I felt like I was in a counselling lesson. Where you knew it pained people, it hurt people to think back old memories that they didn’t want resurfaced, but it had to be done. I had to know what was wrong with Kodie.

                “His backpack caught on the bar, because no one – not even the worker on the lift run – had helped him put the bar to rest on his bum and it had ridden up as he was pulled up the ride. His backpack caught and he fell. He was only small and his skis were breaking his legs, getting suck in the snow as he was being dragged. His backpack clipped over his chest – so he wouldn’t lose it – which rode up when the bag caught and he was in air between the bar and the snow. That strangled him.”

                “You saw all of this?”

                Kodie nodded. “Then the strap on the bag broke because of all the pressure – no one could stop the lift, you see, and he tumbled over his skis and his neck broke as he fell down the mountain.”

                “Kodie… I’m sorry.” I know it was a predicable thing to say, but there never really was anything else to say other than sorry. Because I was sorry her brother had lost his life at such a young age in a tragic way.

                “I was told that it was over quick. He must have been scared being dragged but when he fell, that was painless. Just the fact that he broke his legs – it hurts to know he was scared and hurt there. I was still at the top at this point, but my mother – who was below my brother, heard his shrieks and screams. She let go immediately – because that had all happened so quickly, it was over in the blink of an eye and raced down after him. She wasn’t a good skier though; we were all learning and chased after his body until she came to a large drop over the edge. It was a sharp edge. And they both fell.”

                “Did—”

                “My father, though,” she continued, taking another large breath – forcing herself to carry on, “he looked up after hearing the scream, saw my mother let go, my brother fall and pushing himself down the mountain. He was a better skier than my mom and my instructor went to stop him but then heard my screamed and grabbed me, turning my head away.”

                “But you still saw…?”

                “Yes. When you get off the lift you turn left and then either continue skiing or look directly below. Even shading me, it didn’t stop anything. A woman – who to this day I still don’t know – saw what was going on and skied over, looking after me as my instructor pushed himself down so fast he nearly caught my father up who was on the slope to the left chasing them down but didn’t quite make it. It was icy on the section, my dad didn’t know that and he couldn’t hear the instructor’s shouts. He slipped on the ice, and with the speed he was going at, lost control.”

                “He fell over too?”

                “No.” she grimaced, sniffing. “He lost control, went straight over to the other slope and hit the snow-ploughed long before the driver even realised he ran someone over.” she winced, as if seeing the exact image of her father being ran over by something larger than a tank, again. “The instructor didn’t reach him in time and my mother and brother were long gone. I was there for hours then, after that woman handed me back to the devastated instructor, whilst the air ambulance and search rescue teams came. It took them three times longer to clear up the bodies than it to find them.

                “I didn’t know your parents died as well.”

                “It’s fine.” She shrugged as a tear silently fell down her cheek. “You didn’t ask and it’s not your fault.” Then she smiled meekly. “I’ve never told anyone that before.
 
                I grabbed her hand as I swallowed back the lump in my throat. She didn’t flinch this time, but her hands were cold and she was staring at them for a long time. “Is that why you were upset?”

                “No. I mean, yeah, I get upset over it but that’s not why I was upset.”

                “Is it the kids in class?”

                “No. I can handle things like that.”

                “You shouldn’t listen to them. I think it’s safe to say that I can see better than them and they are seeing wrong.”

                “Thanks, Mr. Clarke.”

                “Call me Alex. Please. We’re not in class.”

                “Okay.” She replied quietly.

                I looked down at her skin and saw her wrists were skinny. How many students in college really had skinny wrists? Were there that many caving into peer pressure to be skinny and not fat? I frowned. “Kodie… what is wrong? I want to know to see if I can make it better.”

                Any colour that was in her face quickly drained and she tightened her grip on my hand. Maybe she wanted to let go, if she squeezed hard enough, maybe she thought I would. But I wasn’t letting go. She was upset and I needed to fix that. That was what I did; I tried my hardest to fix things.

                “Kodie?”

                “I’m fostered.” She said quickly, wiping her eyes with her free hand and sniffing hard to get rid of her runny nose. “Obviously, I am, because my parents died. But what I’m saying is, I have a foster family here.”

                “Do they live near here? Is that why you were walking?”

                She didn't answer me. “I’ve been moved around foster home to foster home from time to time now. Right after the accident, my instructor – who was originally from Austria and who spoke German fluently as a first language tried to foster me. He looked after me for a long time whilst everything was being sorted out and even taught me German. Kept me in his house and looked after me. But I never went back to ski and it was hard juggling his teaching with me. He was only young. In his twenties and still lived near his mother – who had me when he was instructing. But I didn’t mind, he looked after me the best he could for about a year and a half and German because a fluent language for me.”

                “But they wouldn’t let him keep you?”

                “No.” she said sadly. “After the investigation and everything was finally sorted and all the paperwork was finished, I was removed. He was just coming back from work, walking up the path. I had been at his mom’s, looking out the window, waiting because I knew he would soon be home and there were people in the room. They were English, because they had asked me how I was in English, but then I went to the window and they began talking with Audrey. I didn’t pay attention but when Dierk came home – the instructor – I was suddenly scooped up by the men in suits and that was it, I was dragged out the door as Dierk was walking in. My screams were my goodbye because I never got to see him again and was brought back, as six years old, to England. Now I’ve been shipped around many foster homes.”

                “The foster system… is it bothering you? Can’t you get a permanent place somewhere?”

                “The place I’m in now is permanent,” she said, removing her hand from mine as she wrinkled up her nose. She took a deep breath and shook out her hands as she let it out. “Okay, um, my foster parents. They’re okay, I guess. They kind of stick to themselves. Drunks, really, to put it bluntly. But my foster-brother is the most disgusting person I have ever met. He’s a sick-minded freak.” She balled her hands up into fists. “Clive, his name is. He’s literally a rat. Excuse the way I'm portraying him but I hate him.”

                “Why do you hate him?”

                Kodie didn’t say anything. As if she’d said too much already, she stopped talking. I frowned and looked at her but she looked angry. I knew she wanted to get whatever this was out of her system; she wanted to relieve herself of hatred and come clean about something. But I didn’t know what. I didn’t know why Kodie hated Clive. Before she was upset, distraught. Now she was pure raged.

                “Kodie, why do you hate Clive?”

                She gave me a hard look, annoyed that I was pressuring her, even though I knew she wanted to tell me. She wanted to tell someone what was going on.

                “When you were upset, you didn’t want anyone touching you. You said no one physically hurt you, though, so what’s wrong?”

                She relaxed her hands. “Clive likes to hit on me. All the time. I can’t get away from his and Susan and Havienr are too drunk to notice. Although they wouldn’t do anything anyway, Clive’s their real son. I was changing in my room and he came in. I just grabbed the first thing I had and ran out of the house. On the way out, Clive threatened me that he’s hurt me when I came back if I didn’t do as he ordered.”

                My heart sunk, feeling an ache for how bad people’s lives were again. “And so you didn’t go back.” I said. We really don’t realise how good we have it until we hear that someone else has it worse.

                “No. But my foster home isn’t that far away from here seen so you don’t really live close to your parents. I can’t avoid them forever so I have to go back soon. Petronella said that she would help me though, my next door neighbour, if I needed the help.”

                “I—”

                “Kodie? Alex?”

                I turned around at the sound of my mother’s soft, happy voice, noticing that she had pinned her hair back from her face and was now wearing an apron. “Yeah?”

                “Would you both like to stay for tea?”

                I looked at Kodie and saw her shaking her head. “No, I’m—”

                “I insist.” My mother interjected before walking out of the room.

                I turned to Kodie. “There’s no way you’re not going to stay. She’ll lock the doors. We'll sort this out though, I promise.”

                Kodie chuckled lightly at my demanding mother and a satisfied smile made its way onto my face. “Come on, it’s this way.”
               

                ~~~

                Dinner had been all set up ready for us and we took places around the six-seat table. My father had, of course, finished his meal already and the rest of us were close to finishing. He was telling us a story about his day.

                “Someone asked if me and your mother wanted a photograph taken—”

                “Mother and I.”

                “Whatever.” He replied, placing one hand in another. “Well I got out my phone – which I didn’t even know had a camera on it – and this man goes: ‘Do you want a photo of you two together?’ I mean we were only walking down the main street but your mom wanted to stop to look at something. We must have looked like tourists or something and, well, before I could say anything he took it and snapped a photograph.”

                “You’re father thought he was walking off with your phone at first!” my mother said, taking a sip of her cup of tea. “I had to hold the back of his shirt and force him to smile.”

                “Yeah,” my father chipped back in. “He passed it back and it looked quite nice. The lad asked if you wanted it put onto your phone too, didn’t he?” My father looked at mom, addressing her.

                “I had told him I didn’t know how to do that and the boy said that it’s fine, you just need Bluetooth. Do you know what your father said?”

                “No.” I replied, shaking my head, feeling my lips tug up at her excited aura. “What did he say?”

                “I’m sorry,” she said, mimicking my father voice – although doing a bad job of it, “I’m on Orange not Bluetooth.”

                And just like that, a free laugh escaped Kodie’s lips and I chuckled.