The Bachelor - H.S.

Chapter 27

Double update 'cause why not :)

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***

My legs want to give out from under me. Astrid. That's what he said. Astrid is continuing on.

My vision goes hazy and my ears ring with shock. I don't hear the rest of the proceedings around me. Whether Harry knows it or not, he may have just doomed our relationship, if one even still exists. For now, it seems as if Harry is still clueless about my dark past. With Astrid sticking around, though, it can't be long now until he finds out.

We all assemble around Harry while the other women shuffle out tearfully. I pay attention to none of this and stand in my allotted place, my head turned down to the ground in dismay. How many more weeks of suffering like this can I take? This horrible, heart-wrenching, uncertain anxiety that accompanies all the waiting- waiting until Astrid finally decides to ruin my life.

Harry says words I do not comprehend nor attempt to. I don't care what he's saying right now. 10 more minutes pass and our mics are removed. I shuffle into a big black van without another word, not even to Harry. On the ride back to the mansion I realize I forgot to say goodbye to Kiana. This, for some reason, makes me sad.

This stupid fucking man I seem to care so much for has turned me softer than I ever thought I could be.

***

I wake to the sound of an alarm threateningly close to my ear. The annoying beeping ceases once I slam my hand instinctively down upon the phone that emits the noise. The phone right next to me- the phone I haven't had for 2 months.

As I come to I glance around slowly. Above me are little stick on glow-in-the-dark stars, pasted with care nearly a year ago. I turn on my side to examine the time and nearly fall out of my twin bed. I'm not used to sleeping somewhere so small.

Next to my small, chipped nightstand stands a tall lamp, the bulb, although dimmed and flickering, seems to have remained on through the night- I must have fallen asleep without turning it off. Makes sense- it was with great difficult sleep finally came to me last night at 3 in the morning. I'm just too damn nervous.

I groggily sit up and rub tiredness from my eyes. My feet hit the creaky wood of the aged floors, a sound I'm used to even though I've been absent for the better part of 2 months.

I stand and look around my room. A medium sized dresser stands against the far wall, beneath the sole window illuminating my bedroom. It stands crooked, so that I can never rest anything valuable atop it. I assumed the previous owner had taken the liberty of sawing off an inch from just 2 of the wooden legs, not all 4. At least I got it for half price.

Standing in just a tank top and underwear now, I pull out the single robe I own from my dresser and wrap it around myself. It's getting to be a little colder in New York as September starts to roll around, but I won't turn on my heat until absolutely necessary.

I venture out of the small space through a rickety door. It creaks open loudly and I step through into my living room. A small, worn couch and a love-seat made of tired leather occupy a single corner of the living room. A smallish TV rests on a stand against the back wall which these two sofas face, separated by a tiny IKEA coffee table.

I head to the kitchen. The appliances are old and you can see various stains from previous use, but they work perfectly fine, and that's all I care about. There's a little fridge, a small stove, a sink, and a coffee machine. I even splurged and bought myself a toaster oven a few months ago so I could make cookies from time to time. A few fake wood cupboards reside above the stove and the sink where I keep my dishes.