Big Mac

Chapter 7- Thinsporation

Sorry I haven't posted a chapter in a while! I've been really busy :/ Anyways, it's short as usual, I didn't have a lot of time, and I wanted to post something for you guys. Here it is! :)

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 Amanda couldn't stop thinking about Zenas and his wrist. What happened to him? She didn't mention it again, but Zenas hardly looked at her anymore, his nose extra buried in some large book.

“Amanda!” Her mom shouted. “Can you pick me up some milk from the store? We're out.” She handed her a five dollar bill. “Here.” She looked at Amanda. “Don't buy any candy with the extra money OK?”

Amanda grabbed the five dollar bill and shoved it in her pocket. “I won't.” She huffed, frustrated that her mom had to treat her like a baby.

She always felt extra fat at grocery stores, maybe because it was from all that food, just calling to her. Or maybe it was that some of the aisles she had to literally squeeze through, that was never fun. The cashiers were always very skinny too. You would think they would be bigger with all the food here.

“Do you really think we need all that soda?” A familiar bubbly voice laughed.

“Of course we do.” A male voice answered that made Amanda freeze. “There's going to be a ton of people there Tracy.” The male laughed.

She could recognize that laugh from anywhere. She used to love hearing it, but now the sound of it filled her with dread.

Jeremy.

Amanda ducked behind an aisle, in hopes they wouldn't see her. Milk, where was the milk? She thought frantically, she just wanted to leave.

“Oh look.” Amanda felt a strong hand on her shoulder. “It's Big Mac, probably at her favorite place. The grocery store!” Jeremy and Tracy laughed hysterically as if it was the funniest thing in the world.

“Leave me alone.” Amanda said trying to back away, but Jeremy's grip was strong.

Jeremy leaned towards Amanda. “You know you want me.” He breathed. He was getting real close to Amanda's face now. “I mean you did try to kiss me.”

Amanda blushed and pushed him away. “She tried to kiss you!” Tracy shrieked. “I can't believe it! That's honestly disgusting.” Tracy gave her a bitter look of disgust. “What would make you even think that someone would want to kiss you? Especially Jeremy.” She looked at Jeremy with a sickening sweet gaze and lightly kissed him on the lips.

She grinned at Amanda. “If I were you, I would stay away from him.”

“Trust me,” Amanda said getting real angry. “I would rather kiss a frog then kiss him.” She spat. “I don't want anything to do with either of you.”

At the cash register she saw the most recent edition of Vogue. Amanda picked it up, gazing at the beautiful girl on the cover. She had to have it. Her mom wouldn't have to know. She payed for the milk and magazine and left the grocery store.

She gave her mom the milk, her mood sour, she wished that she was someone else. That feeling was so strong it made her sick. She wished she could be Tracy, or that girl in the magazine, or any other girl who went to her school. Just not Amanda Macky, she hated Amanda Macky, the fat ugly girl who no one liked.

She put the Vogue magazine on her bed. What of Zenas? How did he feel? What made him draw those lines on his wrist with a knife? Or was it just a cat? She shook her head, trying to clear her mind.

Amanda opened up the magazine and momentarily, she forgot she was Amanda Macky, the lonely fat girl who lived in that old house in Colorado.

“I want those cookies out of this house!” Amanda heard her mom yell from downstairs. “If you expect Amanda to lose weight we need to get these sort of things out of the house.”

Amanda felt a strong anger towards her mom just then. She always brought her weight up, even more than the kids at school at times. Couldn't she just accept her daughter was just fat? She got out her laptop and started looking at ways to lose weight.

There she found it. Thinsporation.com.

Amanda looked at all the skinny girls in bathing suits, in their underwear, or in tights. She looked at them all in envy, their stomachs perfectly fat.

There were girls talking about how they ate only 500 calories that day. One girl said she only ate a salad. It looked like one huge blog full of girls struggling with their weight just like she was.

The pictures of those thin girls, were their inspiration- thinsporation. Amanda felt a new sense of peace. This was easy, all she had to do was eat less. Whenever she would feel hungry, all she had to do was look at these pictures. That was what one girl, Sandra said on her thinsporation blog.

Amanda printed out a bunch of their pictures, and pasted them on her wall by her bed. One in her notebook as a reminder, and another on her school binder as another reminder.

There. Her mom wouldn't have to worry about her being fat anymore. Keep the cookies in the house. She wasn't going to eat them.

Not anymore.

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AUTHORS NOTE:

1.) Notice how Vogue is a reocurring theme? It's actually really important, kind of showing how society impacts her a lot too. Not just school and family. haha I actually never read a Vogue in my life lol

2.) Thinsporation, I am not pro for it at ALL. It's just another thing showing how society is impacting Amanda, and making her want to change more. As much as thinsporation sounds good to some people its not, its just pro anorexia if you know what I mean.

That being said, those may be clues for stuff that may be going in the future :p