Into My Heart An Air that Kills - Brahms Heelshire The Boy

Chapter 16 - Into my Heart...

"Hey, Laurie!"

"Hi, Sis."

Laurie fiddled with the old fashioned phone wire, knowing what was coming next.

"Where the hell have you been? I've been calling forever! Each time I rang the line was dead!"

"The lines have been down. Sorry."

"For over a month?"

"Things move slowly here."

"Are you OK?"

"Sure. I keep busy. You know...settling in and..."

"Meeting new people?"

"Yes."

"Who?"

"Just people."

"What's he like? Tall? Dark? Handsome?"

"Amanda..."

"I get it. He's there right now and you can't talk."

Laurie glanced across at Brahms. He was lounging on the couch engrossed with the workings of her iPhone.

"Yes."

"Well, I'm glad. Is he good to you?"

"Of course. What's the gossip?"

"Oh, things are pretty much the same here. We took some flowers to Mom and Dad's grave last Sunday. It's been two years since..."

"Hell, I forgot!"

"Listen, you need to focus on you for now. And nobody else. By the way, Joel has disappeared. He just upped and left his job and nobody's seen him for weeks. Gerry thinks he's gone up to Alaska for work. He mentioned a job lined up there so looks like he's finally off your back."

Laurie hadn't told Amanda about Joel's visit, and she didn't intend to.

"I'm no further use to him," she murmured. "And thank God for small mercies, huh?"

They chatted for another ten minutes then Amanda signed off. Laurie replaced the handset on the cradle and looked up to see Brahms staring at her.

"My sister. She says Joel has disappeared. Gone up to Alaska for work." At his raised brows she said, "I haven't told her he was here. She'd just worry."

"I should have killed him."

At the vehemence in his voice she cried, "No, Brahms! If you'd killed him, I wouldn't be here now with you."

"Why are you here?"

She bridled. "Don't you want me here?"

He stood up. He was wearing a pair of stone coloured linen pants with a sage green shirt unbuttoned at the top. Her gaze lingered at the dark hair showing there, fighting the urge to undo the rest and peel the garment away. He took her face in both hands. "How can you say that?"

Laurie covered his hands with hers. "I'm here because I want to be here. Because..."

She stared up at him as his eyes crinkled at the corners. "Because you're good for me?" he prompted.

"Perhaps. I mean, I hope so. But it's more than that."

"Why?"

"It's hard to explain, Brahms. I went so through much with Joel. When you've been hurt...when someone else has hurt you so badly, it's hard to--"

"I hurt you!" he interjected.

"I know. But that was done in the heat of the moment. That's no excuse! And I have no excuse either for nearly cutting your ear off with that pitcher. What I mean is...Joel used psychological devices to try to hurt me. He was mentally cruel as well as violent."

"Mind games." Brahms murmured.

"Yes." She studied her hands for a moment, pondering the wisdom of telling him what Joel really was. "I got pregnant by Joel. I lost the baby because he...because..."

Brahms looked down at her expressionlessly. Under that steady gaze she found the courage to continue. "He came home that night worse for drink and high on cocaine. I was four months' gone with the baby and he wanted sex and I said no. So he beat me up and kicked me in my stomach. He kicked the baby from me. And all the while his eyes were black as sin with something else looking out at me. Something inhuman." She inhaled noisily, letting her breath go in a long slow exhalation. "I left him the next day. There was a court injunction. But I knew that wasn't enough. And so...here I am."

Brahms touched his forehead to hers. It was a gesture he did often, childlike and wistful, and Laurie slid her face up to kiss his mouth. Is this the real you? She wanted to ask him. Do you have a monster inside you, too? Oh, if only she had more faith. If only Brahms was normal and she could have met him under different circumstances? What is normal, Laurie? Joel?

"Talk to me." His voice was low pitched and intimate. She could feel the soft bristle of his stubble against her cheek. "Tell me why you want me like I want you?"

Laurie felt a surge of affection and threw her arms around his neck. "I don't know. I don't know what it is between us! Once upon a time I felt trapped here but now?" she agonised, the tears coming. " Now, I don't think I could leave if I wanted to."

"Are you sad because you're happy, Laurie?"

He held her as she wept.

Author's Note: I'm really starting to like this version of Brahms. I've tried to figure if he's a sociopath but while he's definitely got a few tendencies, he's also capable of feeling more than just for himself. His bond with Laurie is so touching but......this is a doomed love. It's doomed by its nature. And there can only be one outcome. Can't there?