Into My Heart An Air that Kills - Brahms Heelshire The Boy

Afterwards

Laurie stands on the steps of Fern Deane as the car drives up to the house. She watches her sister emerge from the car, along with her nephews and nieces.

It has been five years since she lost Brahms but her grief is far from gone, merely hidden.

I love you, Laurie...

She can't recall just how long she knelt in the snow as his body cooled. It felt like a lifetime and yet like the flash of a firefly in the dark. The police had come. Statements given. He'd been alive all along and she'd never known, she told them. She buried Brahms next to his parents. She talks to him every day.

Squeals from Amanda. The kids are laughing. There's life here again.

"Hey, Sis, you look so well. Kids will you stop that racket. Come say hello to your Aunt Laurie." Amanda looks around enquiringly. " Where's the boy?"

Laurie smiles and leads them to the music room.

"Jamie? Your Aunt Amanda is here, and your cousins, Millie, Jonathan, Mark and Susie."

Her son is tall for his age. He smiles and nods, his dark curls bobbing. His eyes are the clear green of peridot.

The children all smile shyly at each other. "Jamie? Why don't you take your cousins on a tour of the house? Show them the grounds. The pond and the ducks."

He nods and the others follow him out like he's the Pied Piper.

"He's grown so much since we last saw you. He's gonna break a few hearts one day," Amanda remarks. "How are you, Sis?"

"Coping."

"Why didn't you tell me about Joel coming here when you came over last year."

"There was no point. You couldn't have done anything. And I want to forget."

"What was he like? Your Brahms?"

Laurie bites her lip. "I have no photos of him. All I have are my memories. He was...very tall. Very handsome. Unique."

"Oh, Sis, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. He left me a very special legacy."

"And this house?" Amanda breathed. "This place is amazing."

"I've organised some afternoon tea on the lawns. All very British."

They walk arm in arm into the garden. Laurie has employed two gardeners and the lawns are immaculate. She still empties the traps herself.

Beneath the soaring cedars, she serves her sister Earl Grey tea and clotted cream scones with strawberry jelly. The sun shines and the air is scented with the honeysuckle that twines through the terrace stone balustrade.

I love you, Laurie...

Sometimes, when the nights are lonely and Jamie sleeps, Laurie slips behind the walls and goes to his lair. She lies on his cot bed and stares up at the little luminous stars and planets, then cries herself to sleep. She can feel him all around. And sometimes she whispers...I can't let you go...

The children are haring around. Funny how the young just accept each other without quibbles or prejudices. After a while they wear themselves out. Jamie is the youngest but he's nearly as tall as Jonathan who is two years' older.

Amanda is calling for them to all come finish their lemonade. They run forwards, their hands filled with wild flowers. Jamie trots over smiling happily He has something in his hand too. Laurie reaches out to accept his gift. He opens his fist and drops it in her palm.

It's a butterfly. Half dead. Crushed.