Louder

Chapter 12

      Liam and I were sitting at our usual cafeteria table. The both of us were staring at Serena longingly, wondering why she forgot about us. She was sitting with her new friends, laughing loudly at the jokes them made, and we stared at her hoping she'd remember us or at the very least, acknowledge us.

      "Would you ever let your voice be known?" Liam asked, surprising me

      I looked at him and grew surprised by how serious he looked. He was staring at me, his eyes full of questions.

      "No," I said. "You know that's my worst nightmare."

      "Why?"

      "Singing is personal to me and I don't like attention." I gave Liam a look as if to say he should already know this. "You... know this."

       "Do you ever wish you were in Serena's spot?" Liam blurted out, catching me off guard. 

      I stared at Liam for a moment with my eyes wide. Unsure of what to say at first, I stared at him, noticing the sadness in his eyes. I didn't know what the sadness stemmed from, but it left me feeling uneasy.

      "No," I said, even though my heart began to ache. "I don't wish to be in Serena's spot. Like I said, I hate attention. I don't want people judging me. I'm content with being invisible."

       "You can be honest with me," Liam said gently. "Don't lie. You must hate how Serena's taking all of the credit that should be yours."

       I didn't reply immediately. Instead, I looked down, remembering the fury I felt when Carson said that Serena deserved all the credit she got.

      "I don't know," I said. "Honestly, I try not to think about it. I didn't think things would get to this point and... I don't know, Liam. I don't know what's happening and I'm scared."

      Liam put his hand on my head and patted it gently. I gave him a small thankful smile and sighed. Singing for Serena was supposed to be a small thing. She was never supposed to become famous and I was never supposed to grow bitter about it. I hated how things had changed.

      "How come you always put the camera on Carson whenever Serena performs?" I asked, remembering how I was beginning to wonder that.

       "Even though I don't like the guy, I appreciate the way he loves your voice," Liam said, shrugging. "He looks mesmerized by your voice and that reaction... you deserve to see it. You deserve to have someone in awe of your voice."

      "It's Serena he loves," I said, even though Liam's words made my heart blossom with joy.

      "But it's your voice he fell for. If it was you on stage, you'd be the one dating Carson."

      "That's... that's not true."

      Liam gave me a look that told me that we both knew the truth and I looked away. Although I knew Carson loved my voice, I couldn't help but wonder if it was Serena's stage presence he also fell for. She was always so confident on stage. She looked like a goddess with her stunning gowns and beauty, and deep down I knew I could never compare.

*****

       Carson and I were standing at the sink. The restaurant had closed and the two of us had stayed back to clean up the kitchen. We were currently washing some dishes.

      Thinking about Liam and I's conversation earlier, I glanced at Carson who was scrubbing at a plate. He looked deep in thought and I wondered if he was thinking about Serena. I wondered what exactly he thought about when he thought of Serena.

      "I... have a weird question for you," I said.

     "What is it?" Carson asked, looking at me.

      "What about Serena made you fall for her? Why did you decide to ask her out?"

      Carson stopped scrubbing at his dish for a moment and he stared into my eyes. I stared at him, feeling my heartbeat quicken with anticipation. There was an answer I wanted, but at the same time I was scared for the answer to be the one I wanted.

      "I fell for her voice," Carson said, causing my heart to freeze. "I remember the first time I heard it and the first thing I thought was that there was an angel at my restaurant... as lame as that sounds. Her voice is mesmerizing and it touches my soul. I fell for it and I know I want to hear it for the rest of my life."

     Stunned, I stared at Carson, my eyes wide. His words about my voice left my heart soaring and it left me blushing. I never thought someone could describe the sound of my voice like that and it left me feeling on cloud nine.

      But then, my heart began to sink as the realization dawned on me. If it weren't for my voice, Carson wouldn't have liked Serena. Or at least, that was what I assumed.

      "Just out of curiosity, but if Serena didn't have her voice would you have still fallen for her?"

      Carson looked uncomfortable from the question and I began to feel guilty for asking it. But before I could say never mind, he answered.

      "Don't ever tell Serena this, but I doubt I would've noticed her if it weren't for her voice," Carson said. "She's cool and all, but she's not really my type. I usually don't fall for girls like her."

      "What is your type usually?" I asked.

     Carson didn't reply immediately. Instead, he stared at me, his hazel eyes locking on my blue eyes. I stared back, feeling my heartbeat quicken once again. Around Carson, I constantly found my heart racing.

      "Girls I can't figure out," Carson said softly. "Girls I can spend time with without even having to speak. Girls that I can feel at peace with no matter where we are or what we're doing."

      I gulped at his words, stunned as I remembered the day we sat together in silence at the amusement park. His words left me frozen and I stared at him, unable to respond because my heart began to ache at another realization. 

       I wasn't sure about how I felt for Carson, but I knew it hurt to know that I could've been the one dating him instead. If I hadn't let Serena steal my voice, it would have been me Carson had fallen for and the thought left my heart shattering. It left me craving for something more from my life and I broke our stare to look back at the plate I held. 

      We went back to washing the dishes and as we did that, I couldn't help but yearn for what could've been. I had no idea why I felt that way - Carson and I weren't close and I didn't think I liked him in that way. But yet, I still wondered about how Carson could have fallen for me instead.