Louder

Chapter 16

      Vandos was going to host a huge event that would celebrate their ten year anniversary. It was a huge event where everyone who reserved seats would come and Carson and I were currently decorating the restaurant. It was the day before the event and I felt nervous at the thought of Serena being the one performing for it. Carson had chosen her proudly, saying she deserved it and the both of us had grown nervous at the thought of messing up.

      "You're shaking," Carson commented as I hung streamers at the back of the stage. "Are the streamers heavy?"

      "No," I said, blushing when I realized how nervous I was. "I'm just... thinking about tomorrow. It's going to be packed."

       "You can stay in the basement the entire time." Carson's eyes softened. "I know you're only coming to support Serena, so don't be afraid to miss the celebration."

      I smiled at Carson, thankful for how considerate he was. He once never understood why I chose to isolate myself, but I could see that he was coming to understand that people were different and they had different needs.

      "Thank you," I said. "But don't worry, I'll pop by. It's Vandos' ten year anniversary. I wouldn't miss it for anything."

      Carson smiled and then turned back to the sound system. He was fixing the wires, his eyebrows furrowed because a few days ago the sound system had grown quiet. It wasn't blasting the music like it usually did and Carson was trying to fix that.

       We worked in peace for a bit and I found myself getting lost in thought. Serena was still shaken from her performance where she actually had to sing. It destroyed her confidence and I had to keep telling her that people loved her. That despite her one bad show, everyone admired her.

      "Nivenah, do  you have any dreams?" Carson asked.

      I looked over to where Carson sat at the edge of the stage. He was looking back at me, his eyes full of curiosity.

      "I... I don't know," I answered. "I don't know what I want anymore."

      Thinking about singing, I wondered if that was my dream. I wondered if maybe, becoming acknowledged for my singing was my dream, but I then remembered Serena. I remembered the embarrassment and shame she felt and how upset she had been, and I reminded myself that singing couldn't be my dream. Not when Serena's own dream would be crushed if I pursued that dream.

      "What are your dreams?" I asked Carson.

     "I'm not sure either," Carson said. "I guess just to be content."

      "Do you think you would be content working here for the rest of your life?"

      Carson didn't reply immediately. His eyes lingered on me for a moment, filled with emotions, before he looked away. I stared at him, wondering about him.

      "I don't know," Carson answered. "I thought I would be, but... I don't know anymore."

      "The future is scary," I said softly. "I hate how we have no idea where life will take us."

      "Right." He sighed. "I don't know if the path I'm following is the right one. It's just the path that's the safest, which is why I don't take any detours."

      "I can relate completely."

     Carson looked over at me and smiled a heartwarming smile, which left me smiling back at him. He then plugged in a wire and the stereo burst with a song and the both of us jumped. Carson laughed lightly and jumped up, seeming thrilled that he finally fixed the sound system.

      "I love this song," Carson said, walking up to me.

      "This is We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off by Ella Eyre, right?" I said, listening to the beautiful song. "I love this song, too."

      "Would you like to dance?"

     My eyes widened at his request and caught of guard, I stared at him. Carson's hands were reaching out for me and his eyes were gentle as they remained on my own. My heart raced.

      "Is that a no?" Carson asked, pulling his arm back. "Sorry... I'm in a good mood and I just want to dance with somebody. But, I guess I'll go."

      "No!" I exclaimed, grabbing his arms. "I'd love to dance with you!"

      Carson grinned as I pulled him to me and suddenly, his arms were around my waist. My arms flew to his neck and I pulled him even closer, leaving only an inch or so between us. My face felt like it was on fire.

      Carson and I rocked side-to-side gently, following the rhythm of the song. Our eyes were locked on each others and my mind was full of thoughts of Carson. I thought about all the moments we shared and how comfortable I had grown around him. He felt safe and strong, and he was someone I grew to care about. Blushing, I realized just how much I cared about him as my heart pounded from how close we were.

      "You know, I'm really glad I got to meet you," Carson said softly. "I've seen you around school, but I never really thought much about you. You were just some quiet girl in my classes. But now I realized that I might've been missing out on so many cool people just because they're quiet and I didn't want to spend my time breaking down their walls. It's crazy that I would've missed out on you if Serena hadn't sang at Vandos."

      I smile at Carson, touched by his words. It was true what he said. Most people didn't want to spend their energy trying to get a quiet person to open up, so they tended to forget about those people. I had spent my entire life invisible because of that and originally I thought I wanted that, but I was growing to learn that I did want to be seen. I did want to be acknowledged and I was realizing that was why I wanted my secret to be out.

      "I'm sorry I used to be scared of you," I said, causing Carson to laugh.

      "So you're not scared of me anymore?" he asked, grinning.

      "Of course not." I smiled. "I feel completely comfortable around you. You feel like home."

       "I feel the same way about you."

       Carson brushed back my hair and I stared up at him, remembering that he was dating Serena. And instead of feeling guilty for dancing with Carson, I thought about how this was the position I was supposed to be in. I was supposed to be the one dating Carson because it was my voice he fell for, but Serena had robbed me of Carson.

       And because I had been so selfless, I decided to be selfish for once and I rested my head on Carson's chest. He tucked me beneath his chin and rested his chin on top of my head, leaving us holding onto each other. And we continued to dance with nothing but each other on our minds, leaving me feeling the most at peace I'd felt in months.