distraction: you

chapter thirty

what did i do wrong?

thirty two hours, sixteen minutes, twelve seconds. brett can't help himself; he keeps track of the time without really intending to, so he can brandish the habit like a sword to ward off any other thoughts from filtering in through the cracks of his soul. he doesn't know how else to keep himself occupied, alone in the darkened bedroom of his apartment, and so he counts.

brett is no stranger to rejection, explicit or implicit; this is something that's already happened before with past partners. it's why he's alone now. but it's just—he had been so sure, back at the ferris wheel. he had been so sure they would've kissed. but then: he had moved forward, and eddy had shrunk back. he had offered himself so freely, and eddy—eddy had—well, he'd done nothing. brett doesn't know if that means anything, but it sure does mean a great deal to him.

maybe this was all a mistake.

faintly, as if from a great distance away, his doorbell chimes. brett tightens his grasp on the bedcovers, wraps himself up further inside the sheets as he ignores whoever is on the other side of the entryway. perhaps it's rude, but at this point, with his heart aching and bruised, he can be excused when it comes to avoiding people for a day or two. if he tries to face anyone right now, he'll probably chew them out, friendships be damned.

but then the doorbell keeps ringing. again and again and again and—

"oh my god," brett hisses under his breath, staggering out of the blanket cocoon and tumbling out of his room. heartbroken or not, he supposes he has to look presentable, so he runs his hands through his dishevelled hair, tugging on an oversized coat over his pajamas as he walks to the door. "cynthia, if it's you, i swear i'll—"

it's not cynthia.

eddy chen stands at the threshold to his home looking out of place in a suit, shaking and panting like he's run a whole marathon around the block before showing up on brett's welcome-home rug. his violin case lies abandoned on the floor next to a half-crushed bouquet of daisies, his beloved instrument is held in trembling hands, and brett—doesn't quite know where to look or what to think.

"what," brett begins, but then the word comes out like a dying frog's croak, so he coughs and continues more steadily, "what are you doing here?"

he's about to say more, but then, well. eddy's looking at him like he's never seen him before, like he's the beginning and end of every symphony and every melody, like he means everything, and despite the hurt and the pain of the perceived rejection, brett's heart stutters in his chest.

"what," is all that gets to tumble out of his lips again before eddy raises his bow and begins to play. with that first drawn-out note, brett recognizes the piece immediately, and god, but his knees buckle at the realization. he has no choice but to cling to the door frame with shaky fingers, helpless against the sight of eddy chen serenading him with salut d'amour in the middle of the hallway, unashamed and passionate. there's no trace of the ice prince in the way he moves, eyes closed and limbs swaying as he moves through the melody like he's born to do so. little by little, the grief in brett's chest withers away, replaced with disbelief and a wild, unrelenting sense of hope.

the last high note echoes against the walls, and for a moment, there is frozen silence between them, hesitation suddenly making its way into the space. brett doesn't realize he's held his breath since the last bar of the piece, and so when the urgent need to let out air comes, it leaves his lips loudly and shakily. at the sound, eddy blinks once, twice, and then speaks.

"i—i just wanted to come over and let you know that whatever you think i think about you, it's wrong." eddy looks to the ground, as if unwilling to meet brett's eyes. "and—and if the piece doesn't convince you, then i hope my words will." he takes a deep breath, and then he raises his gaze, firm and unwavering. "because i think i'm in love with you, brett yang. i'm terrified as hell, and you probably hate me because of the ferris wheel, but i love you, and i—"

god help him, but after all of that, brett won't be able to stop himself from kissing eddy chen for much longer, so he doesn't even try to. he jolts forward, takes eddy's face between his palms, pulls him down, and their lips meet. the kiss is a little sloppy because the angle's all wrong, and eddy's arms are bracketed tightly around his own in an awkward way because he's still holding his violin, but it's perfect. it's got to be the best damn kiss brett's ever had in his whole life.

"i had a whole speech and everything," eddy mumbles, but the words are lost in the spaces between their mouths.

"shut up, eddy."

"no, no—i am not getting distracted by you again." eddy pulls away, and a strangled whimper wrenches itself from brett's throat. the taller man doesn't move any further back, opting instead to rest their foreheads together. "you need to hear this from me first."

brett doesn't think he needs to hear anything else aside from the precious words eddy had just given him, but he nods wordlessly.

"back at the ferris wheel, i," eddy's eyelashes flicker, then he continues, "i did want to kiss you. you wouldn't believe how much i did. but something came to me then, and i realized—i wasn't worthy of you." brett opens his mouth to retort, but eddy shushes him. "no, don't argue with me; it's true. i've dragged so much drama into your life, screwed up a lot of things, and even if you think i'm amazing and everything else you said on opening night, i still don't feel like i'm good enough, not yet. i wanted to become worthy of you first."

eddy closes his eyes for a moment, silence as he picks his next words. "but then i realized that you might've taken it the wrong way, what i did, and i—i didn't want you to think anything less than the truth. i'm not good enough of a person yet, but i'm trying my hardest because—because i love you. you make me want to become the best version of me there is. i'm a little scared of asking to be more than friends with you because i know i'm definitely going to mess things up, but. i still want to try. with you. if you'll have me."

the words hang in the air for a few moments, and then brett shrugs. it would've seemed more casual if not for the wetness in his eyes. "so is that all, or am i going to have to shut you up again so i can kiss you?"

eddy bursts into startled laughter, shaking his head. "you're unbelievable, brett yang." the look in his eyes is nothing short of adoring, and brett's heart wobbles at the sight of it. "i wouldn't have you be anything else but that."

brett's about two seconds away from spontaneously combusting, but he has to respond to that outpouring of honesty with a little of his own. "look," he begins, grasping eddy's arm tighter, "i'm a little scared too. i don't have the best track record when it comes to loving people, because i've always been alone. i've learned that people aren't—they aren't always kind, or thoughtful, or good." a smile threatens to appear on his lips, and he allows it as he looks up at eddy. "but then you came along like—like a light in the darkness, and i wouldn't give up meeting you for anything else in the world." eddy bites his lip, obviously trying to hold himself together, and brett laughs softly. "you're amazing. you'll always be amazing to me, and i love you. so. let's try this thing out together?"

"yeah." eddy nods, looking like he doesn't believe what he's hearing, but he'll damn well take it anyway. "yeah, let's."

brett takes the violin and the bow from eddy's hands, places them inside the violin case, and then turns back to eddy with his arms outstretched. "there. no more obstacles, no more distractions. now, you are going to kiss me properly right now, or i'm never taking you on another date ever again."

"god, you're bossy," eddy complains, but his smile rivals the sun in its brightness, so brett doesn't reply. but then again, he's too busy laughing into their kisses, so really, brett can't be blamed—he's a little distracted, after all.