Letter to Damien

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Damien,

        I wish our future had been together.  I wish I had been enough for you.  I wish I could have died, knowing what it was to be loved by you. To have felt your kisses, as you made love to me for the first time.  To know what it would have been like to carry your child. Maybe in the next life, I will.  I wish you had loved me as much as I had loved you in life.  You were my everything, my world, the air I breathed.  I wish I had been that for you.

         Rejection has dark consequences.  It changes who you are, and what you are to become.  I didn't want that for my future.  I didn't want to lose the person I was to the darkness.  I wanted my life to end in the light.  I chose to end it in the light.  It is and has always been my choice. 

        I have never asked anything from you, but I am now.  All I ask of you is to forgive yourself.  I am asking you to not place blame for what has happened.  This was always my destiny.  This was what was chosen for me.  This was what I wanted.  By now, you will have realized what I have done.  Please understand that I did not do this because of you. Although your rejection led to this destiny for me.  It was what the Moon Goddess herself had scripted for me.  My story was written to begin and end just as it has.  She chose this for me, and I chose to follow what she had planned for this life.

        I hope in time, you will be able to look back on me with fond memories, not of something that was forced on you.  I hope you will remember me as your best friend as a child.  I hope you will remember me as the annoying shadow that followed you and my brother around as kids.  That is what I hope for.

         Goodbye my love. I have loved you for forever.  I will love you forever.  Know as I take my last breath on this Earth, that I will be thinking of you.  Dreaming the dream of lovers.  Dreaming for your happiness.  Thank you for allowing me love you.  Thank you for being my mate, forced or not.  Most of all, thank you for teaching me how to unconditionally love someone.  I let you go now, so that you can find the happiness you deserve.

Your bestfriend,

Leilani

       

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