You ever wanted something so much, but you know it's bad for you, so you try and you try not to want it, but that need for it only grows stronger? Well if you have, that's me right now.
It sucks you know. Wanting something so badly. Wanting to give...
It's been a few days after Christmas. Six days to be exact. It's New Year's Eve at the moment. We're going into a new year. A new decade. What was this new year going to hold? As long as Ryder, Ashlynn, and J.J were still with me by the end of 2020, I'd say it was a good year.
I got attached. Attached to Ryder. There wasn't a moment of the day where I wasn't thinking about him. He was on my mind 24/7. Sometimes, I wonder what life would be like without Ryder by my side, but then I realize, I can't. Even though we've been dating for barely a month, I think I might love him.
But does he love me back?
That's a scary question if you think about it. We're dating and can't get out of each other's heads, but does that mean he loves me? I know for a fact I love him. But what if I tell him and he doesn't feel the same? What if we're not ready for that daunting L-word?
More like, what if he's not ready for the L-word? It would suck ass if I told him and he didn't say it back. But what if I tell him and he feels the same way?
Decisions. Decisions.
To tell, or not to tell, that is the question.
"Babe, what are you thinking?" Ryder asks me, massaging my shoulders slightly.
"Nothing," I say. But this wasn't nothing. This was everything.
"Baby, don't lie. You have that crease in your forehead. You always do that when you're thinking about something intently. What is it?" he asks.
"It's nothing, Ryder. Really," I reply. Clearly not believing me, he thankfully doesn't push any further.
"We should throw a party. Start the New Year off with a celebration," he says finally.
"And tell me oh wise one. What are your plans for this party?" I ask. I'm not saying a party was a bad idea, but last-minute things rarely work out that well. At least, for me, they don't.
"Well, I was thinking we could have it here. I have enough people working under me that I could make a few calls and everything would be fine. Are you ok with us having a party?" he says.
"It's not a terrible idea," I reply.
"Then I part we shall have," he says. "I'd hate to kick you out of my house, but you can't exactly wear my clothes to this party," he says with a chuckle.
"Well, no shit Sherlock," I reply, getting up. "I'm going to head back to my apartment and get ready. Anything specific I should wear?" I ask.
"Nope. Run wild. But not too wild," he says with a small laugh.
"Alright. I'll see you in a bit," I say, giving him a quick kiss. Throwing my jeans back on, I head to my car and drive back to my place.
The place felt lonely without Ashlynn. But then again, she couldn't handle the cold, so it was best for her to head back to Miami, anyway.
Heading to Ashlynn's room, I go straight to her closet to see what dress she has that would cover at least 50% of my body. Ashlynn is the type to wear something as long as it covers 5% of her body. If she could walk around naked, I'm sure she would. But hey, this is a judgment-free zone.
After about 10 minutes, I finally find a dress that covers a good amount of my body. And to my surprise, it was long. This has got to be one of the few things that cover almost all of Ashlynn. Grabbing the dress from her closet, I take it to my room and find my red pumps. Because c'mon. Red is the best color, is it not?
After taking a shower, I put on Ashlynn's dress and leave my hair out:
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