***A modern, gender-swapped retelling of the classic fairy tale.***
Keefe Beatty is beautiful, but odd. With only his senior year to get through before he can finally escape his tiny conservative town, he decides to keep his head down and not expect...
It was early in the post-school afternoon and Keefe was just getting ready to rip out the old tile floor in one of the downstairs bathrooms. Whistlebeck wanted the floor tiles to be huge and in alternating blacks and whites, so the floor would look like a giant chessboard (it was a big bathroom.) From this chessboard floor idea the good doctor then got the idea to make this bathroom the Alice in Wonderland bathroom.
Each wall would be painted a different bold color (eggplant, rusty orange, lincoln green, and maroon) and covered in mirrors that morphed reflections more than showed them. The ceiling would be tiled in the same tiles as the floor, looking like a mirror image.
Whistlebeck also had plans to fasten an old Victorian-era vanity upside down on the ceiling as if the ceiling was the floor. His dream would be to have a replica of the new sink, the bathtub, toilet and all other furniture of the bathroom also fastened to the ceiling – to make it a true Alice in Wonderland room – but Keefe told him a bathtub may be a bit too much for gravity, no matter how much he cemented it to the ceiling.
With that in mind, Whistlebeck decided he'd do the real Alice in Wonderland feel in one of the spare bedrooms (and he'd just carpet the ceiling, paint the floor like the ceiling, fasten all of the furniture to the ceiling and leave it like that. Keefe happily agreed to help him plan that particular room). He'd let the bathroom be more like an "extension" of the real room.
After Keefe put in the order for the new tiles, he began ripping up the dingy, yellowed ones, excited with this project. A guttural grunt from behind interrupted him not long into his work. Lowering his tools, he looked over his shoulder. There he saw something he never thought he'd ever be lucky enough to see in his entire existence.
There he stood: Boris the Maid, looking as surly as ever. His rotund body had been shoved into an old blue apron accented in yellowed lace, his big broad shoulders shrouded in a crocheted golden shawl complete with fancy yarn fringe, and his squat and blotchy red head covered in a gray ropey mop bottom masquerading as a wig.
Keefe thought he must be dreaming.
Putting the tools down, he slowly stood and faced Boris, not sure if he wanted to burst out laughing or cry in sympathy. The laughter was winning out the more Boris brooded.
"I like this new look," Keefe said, motioning to Boris. "Are you paying homage to your mother or something? How utterly Hitchcock-ian of you, Mr. The Maid."
Scowling, Boris didn't justify that with any sort of verbal retort. Instead, he pulled a piece of lined paper out from one of his apron pockets and began reading aloud:
"Hark. I am the evil witch of Whistlebeck Manor," his voice was flat and bored. "I have come to capture you, fair maiden," Boris snorted at that, looking pleasant for the first time, "and lock you in my tower for all eternity. Unless you happen to have a prince lying around who is willing to save you, you are surely doomed to a life of solitude and sheer boredom," he finished with about as much pizzazz as a funeral attendant.
As his big finale, Boris let the paper fall from his hands and stared at Keefe dully, looking even more ridiculous in his get-up with the bored scowl on his face.
Keefe crossed his arms, slowly nodding his head as his expression twisted. How she got the man to go through with this was a thing of beauty, utter art. He was almost getting a crush on her just because of it.
"Well, I must say, you definitely missed your calling for the theater, my dear Boris," Keefe said. "You just ooze drama, buddy."
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
