The Atonement of a Writer

13. Home

They were both seven years old, playing in the field. She ran ahead of him, and then looked back to find him grinning at her. She stopped, then turned around to look at him fully.

He seemed confused. "Why'd you stop?"

"I like you," she announced happily, curls bouncing. "You're very nice."

He looked even more confused. "But I'm a boy. And you're a girl."

"A girl and a boy can be friends," she pointed out.

"Of course," he agreed, "but they don't like each other."

She just scoffed. "Whatever. I still like you." Then, a wide grin bloomed on her face again, as if the conversation was forgotten. "Wanna race?"

~*~

Lili soon came across one little problem in this grand adventure of hers: she didn't know how to ride a horse.

So she just winged it, gripping on tight in fear of falling, but also taking care not to hurt the horse. The horse seemed aware of how inexperienced she was, so it never went faster than a small trot. Still, the journey went way better than yesterday, and soon enough, she found herself nearing the now-familiar manor.

She had never been so relieved.

Dismounting at a distance from the manor, she told the horse, "Go home. Your owner needs you, okay?"

The horse snickered into her hand in farewell. With a final pat on his flank, Lili watched it gallop back the way they came.

"Oh. You were trying to tell me he'd know his way back?" Lili turned to Noir, who was perched on her shoulder.

Predictably, the crow just cawed again, though for some reason, this time it felt a little derogatory.

With a sigh, Lili began the long walk to the estate. Her muscles still remembered the long walk she took yesterday. She wished she could ride to the front gates, but she wasn't sure if Arielle knew how to ride a horse. It would be awkward if Arielle actually did, and someone saw Lili clinging for dear life instead of riding with finesse.

After what felt like an eternity, but in reality probably ten minutes, she finally arrived at the manor. The first person to spot her was the butler, who looked like someone had run him ragged. He looked more weary than she'd ever seen him be.

Be Arielle. Be Arielle.

When he spotted her, he froze, as if he hadn't expected her to turn up on her own. "Mi--miss Arielle?"

Well, this was awkward. And when Lili came across awkward situations, she usually made them even more awkward.

She gave him a small grin, as if it was totally normal for her to just appear after being missing for a day. "Hi."

"How--when did you--" He seemed stunned beyond comprehension.

"I walked," she shrugged. At his dubious look, she added, "There was also a horse involved somewhere along the way."

He seemed too shocked to react. Maybe he was getting on his years.

"Is Killian around?"

The butler seemed to recover from his shock hearing Killian's name. "No--no, the young master has yet to return from the palace. I will send word for him immediately. Do you--"

Lili waved her hand dismissively. "Just get Sophie to prepare a bath. I'm heading in. Thanks."

The butler nodded and ran into the manor. Lili followed him with her gaze, letting out a deep sigh of relief. At least that conversation was over. Perhaps she should've called for someone to carry her? No, it wasn't something Arielle would do....but Lili's muscles were killing her. If it were only a matter of pride, and not character, she would've put her sore muscles first, since she didn't have much pride anyway. Unfortunately, it was something more than that--Arielle never asked for help unless she really needed it, and Lili didn't think sore muscles counted as an emergency.

Curse the estate for being so big. Truth be told, everything here was bigger than she was used to, whether it was the buildings, people, or even animals. And the rats. She shivered at that thought.

After a relaxing and long-awaited bath, she found Killian already home and in her room, pacing as he waited for her. At the sight of her, he immediately ran over, grabbed her arms and examined her head to toe with professional eyes. "Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?"

She wondered if it was his caladrius that delivered the message. How did he get here so fast? She gave him an awkward wave. "Hey, Killian. It's been awhile."

He gave her a rare frown of disapproval, but released her once he ascertained she was fine. "This is not the time to joke around. What happened?"

Lili glanced up to him. He was the one she'd seen up close the most--there was that time with Clovis, and he was absolutely splendid, but it was only once--and even though it was only a day ago when she last saw him, she realized she really missed his face. When had she become so reliant on the constant presence of one of her favorite characters? It was something akin to...a mother missing her child, perhaps? Not that she had any experience in that particular area, but Killian was definitely her brainchild.

She stared deep into his unsettling emerald eyes, using the moment to take a deep breath, as if breathing for the first time since her adventure. She was a little guilty for worrying him, but, well...it was hardly her fault, anyway, if you didn't count the fact that she wrote this world. "I got kidnapped, so I walked back until I found a horse."

"Kidnapped? By whom?" He demanded. Then, with a pause, he asked, "You know how to ride a horse?"

...Dammit.

"I don't know who, but I escaped." Answering his question dismissively, she looked pleadingly at him. "Will you teach me how to ride, then?"

"...Of course."

"Thank you," she replied cheerfully. Then she collapsed onto her bed. "My muscles are killing me."

"I can give you a massage," Killian offered immediately.

Killian? Conservative Killian was offering to massage her? Really? She looked back at him, but he looked completely serious. Perhaps he was one of those who took their jobs seriously and could throw any personal boundaries out the window once it involved their jobs?

"Are you sure? I mean...wouldn't it trouble you?"

"Of course not." He was smiling gently at her again. Just seeing that smile seemed to cure her soul. It was too wholesome for her to handle.

Lili made sure not to show her thoughts on her face, and instead smiled gratefully. "Thanks, then."

The next hour was pure heaven. Killian didn't ask anything more, and his hands danced skillfully down her back, massaging the pain away. He was probably using his mana, because where his hands touched, it didn't hurt anymore. In fact, those muscles felt better than ever. If Clovis was the ever-glowing, blinding sun who took all the attention, the one to bathe you with warmth and light but also the one to frustrate and irritate you, then Killian was the moon, healing your wounds and providing comfort and light to guide your way. Lili was so grateful for Killian's presence that she could start spouting bad poetry about him.

Slowly, she dozed off, the kidnapping, the stranger's house, the note, and Killian all running through her head.