The Atonement of a Writer

29. Fantastical Reality

This file does not exist.

~*~

Exactly two days later, Lukas called her to tell her there was no Julien Baudhuin--this person had never existed.

After batting off his questions about her sanity with a few half-hearted answers, she hung up on him and stared into the dark room.

Was she insane? Had she imagined it all?

As always, her thoughts circled around the characters in the book, though this time, it was not only as Lili the author, but also Lili the fake Arielle. She read and reread the whole book again and again, trying not to miss out on any details she might've forgotten--her experiences only proved how unreliable her memories actually were.

She plotted, made notes, and straightened the timeline of the story and her experiences in that world. She was not the same Lili who fell into that world, but at the same time, she was. After getting her facts straight, she could more or less guess what had happened in Julien's version of the story, though there were still a few pieces missing. She even drew out different possibilities of what might've happened into a notebook, based on what he told her and what she had been thinking when she finally finished the book.

It was weird. Even after overlapping what was essentially the two lives--there was still a big question mark over how it happened. Somehow, everything still didn't feel real to her. Even as she was deliberating over what actually happened, it felt like she was trying to guess the plot of a book, instead of what happened in her real life. Lili had always found it easy to remove herself from reality.

Of course, she also wondered how to go back. Did she even want to go back? Her life was better than she'd expected all those years ago. It also felt much safer to stay here rather than go back only to be at a loss again. Here, she was Lili, nothing more, nothing less. There, she was Arielle, a completely different person than Lili. And of course, there was also a small part of her who wanted to give Arielle her life back.

Where should she go from here?

As if right on cue, the published book she was holding--the one she read over and over--started to, of all things, glow. She stared at it, dumbfounded.

"Oh, what the hell," Lili muttered. What hadn't she seen by now? She reached for the book and flipped it open decisively.

Nothing happened. She growled in annoyance. "How do I know to do this? I thought something magical happened immediately after opening a freaking glowing book."

She began randomly flipping through the pages. She must've landed on the right one by luck, because a few flips later, everything went white.

It was nothingness made out of white. Lili spun around, but everything was still white.

"You have got to be kidding me," she said aloud. This scene seemed a little familiar, so she just stood there and waited for something to happen.

After a few minutes of patiently standing there, she suddenly heard a woman chuckle. "You never fail to amuse, Lilianne."

Lili turned to find a middle-eastern looking woman behind her. She glanced at her warily. "Who are you?"

The woman cocked her head as though it was an interesting question. Lili privately thought it was a bit excessive, since there was no way she wouldn't ask. "I have worn many faces and names...currently, I am Heimarmene."

"Who?" She couldn't help but ask again.

"I am in charge of time. Fate. Destiny. Whatever you want to call it. And you, little Lilianne," she walked--more like drifted--closer to Lili, "Have been giving me quite a headache."

"It wasn't intentional," Lili felt obliged to say, though she had no idea what exactly it was she'd done. Though not an expert, she was no stranger to mythology. She knew enough to get an idea of how nasty things usually got when otherworldly beings lose their temper.

"I know." To her surprise, Heimarmene agreed. "It's that rascal. Julien, do you call him? He asked for my help with the ritual, but somehow still managed to mess it up." She sighed. "And that is why one should never attempt magic beyond their level."

"Wait. Julien?" Lili thought back to the notes she just made. Heimarmene. Time. Ritual. The ending of the book, or lack thereof... "You don't mean...he..."

"Exactly that," Heimarmene seemed satisfied she didn't have to explain further. "Quite a brain you've got there."

So everything was her fault. The ritual, Julien's accident when he completed the ritual--everything started because of her. Guilt, voluminous guilt, welled up in her, pushing against the dam that was holding it in. There was no question about it now. She had to go back and fix it. "Correct me if I'm wrong--but it's technically you who are sending me between worlds, right?"

She hummed. "I suppose you can call it different worlds, yes."

"Then can you send me back?"

"Back?" Her gaze sharpened at her sudden resolve. "Why would you want to go back?"

"To fix things," she answered. "I'm the only one who can."

"The timeline splits because of choices made. That is the way it is--even if you fix that particular timeline, in another, the same thing is happening. You cannot fix them all, or risk upsetting the balance."

Lili didn't really catch all of what she said, but it sounded like she was leaning towards no. "You were already involved in that world at the very beginning, right? What's one more time? Please. I swear, it will only be just this one time."

"Humans never stop at one time."

"Please." Lili looked up at Heimarmene, eyes begging her to help her. "Everything will be done under your jurisdiction."

Heimarmene gazed consideringly at her. "I suppose...but there are a few conditions."

Heimarmene listed her conditions, and though Lili's heart hurt at the thought of complying, her conditions made sense and wouldn't do much harm. After much deliberation, she agreed to her terms.

She gave a sharp, satisfied smile. "You are a very interesting mortal indeed. Your conviction will take you far."

She waved her hand--which Lili suspected was just for show--and the white space around her turned to a glistening gold, shimmering and shining so brightly she had to shut her eyes in order not to get blinded. As the light got brighter and everything faded, she heard Heimarmene whisper something that could've easily been lost to the wind.

"Make me proud."