My sobs echo around the cave, bouncing off the walls to my ears. My sobs are pain filled. Heart drenching cries fall from my mouth. Questions swim in my mind. The voices won't stop, by each words they speak, they get louder and louder.
"You're not good enough!"
"You're worthless!"
"Why would Mau want someone who is weak like you!"
"No wonder Mau doesn't want you!"
"Why don't you kill yourself already!"
These are the voices that won't shut up, locked inside my mind. Never to be released. They are my personal tormentors.
They never shut up, they are easy to ignore, but when I'm filling intense emotions, they come out.
"You're weak!"
"Pathetic!"
"Pitiful!"
"Vile!"
"Reject!"
These words never stops. Replaying in my mind. The voices never stopping with their cruel words.
At first I didn't believe the voices, but now I do. They're right. Why else wouldn't Mau want me.
All their words are true.
Every single one of them.
I want them to stop, but then I don't. Because if they leave. I have no one. I need them. I need them to tell me these things.
Because they're true.
This is how I view myself. I believe these voices that I hear. For as long as I could remember, I heard these voices. I've never told anyone of this.
They can't know I'm crazy! That will give them even more reason to not want me. My family can't know and they will never know.
My sobs stop, wiping my tears, I stand. I better get back home before they start to look for me.
Jumping into the pool, I swim through the cave into the lake. Swimming to the shore. I get out, soaking wet.
I stumble into the woods, not caring if anyone sees me. I'm in too much pain to care.
As I make it to the tree line, I see families playing on the grounds of the pack house. They stop when they see me.
I most look terrible for they look shocked. Not even bothering. I walk up to my house, opening the door, the talking stops.
Not even looking at my family in the living room, I walk upstairs to my room. Opening the door, step to my stereo to blast my music.
Reincarnate by Motionless in White. Blast through my stereo. I stumble to my bed, falling face first.
I scream as loud as I can into my pillow. I don't have to worry about my family hearing over the music.
More tears fall from my eyes onto my pillow, staining it. The voices hasn't left my mind.
Images start to form. Gore and blood, all the ways I can kill myself flood my mind. Oh how I want to end the pain of my broken and scarred heart.
A heart never brakes even, and can never be fixed. It can be mended, but the scars will always remain.
No matter what, I will always know the pain of having your mate so close but so far away.
That pain never goes away.
