Honey and Spice | ✔️

Chapter 21

Nathan

This is really odd, and it’s starting to scare me.

Why am I feeling all these emotions? I don’t know when they started but for some reason whenever Ryder touches me, my heart feels all jittery and my stomach twists and plunges down to the earth’s core. Maybe I’m just touch-deprived. Or maybe. . .this is the ‘butterflies in the stomach’ that everyone’s talking about. The one about their crush.

Crush? Ryder?

I mean, he’s nice and kind and very attractive and . . .

“What’s crackalackin?” Mae greets me at my locker while I close it, interrupting my thoughts. “Penny for your thoughts, if you don’t mind?” she asks, looking at me questioningly.

I sigh as we walk together to Geography class. “I. . .” like Ryder? I tug at my sweater sleeves anxiously. “How do you know if you like someone?” I change gears and whisper to her, bending down to reach her ear.

“Well,” she begins, “if you get crazy butterflies in your stomach and blush like mad whenever they’re around.”

Check.

“If something as small as them smiling sweetly at you can make you go giddy with feels.”

Check.

“If you wanna dive into a rabbit hole of eternal happiness whenever they touch you or laugh or do absolutely anything with you.”

Check.

“Okay. . .but do all of that still apply if the person is a guy?” I ask.

Mae nods. “Yeah. I mean, I’m pretty sure it’s like that for anyone. Love is love, bro.”

I walk silently beside her, taking this all in. Wait, is it actually possible that I like Ryder?

“Wait, you like boys?” Mae asks a beat too late.

I scratch my cheek awkwardly. “Uh. . .I suppose. . .” I mumble. “I, uh, like Ryder?”

“Holy mother trucker, dude.” She bounces excitedly as she walks. “Oh my god, my OTP is going to be canon and my ship is gonna sail! Hell, this is finally happening! All my fanfics are paying off!” she squeals.

I have absolutely no idea what she’s talking about. Nada, zilch, zip. “I don’t, uh, think it's possible, though,” I interrupt her banter. “Me liking him. I mean, it’s odd, isn’t it?”

Mae’s amber eyes widen. “What?” She gasps. “Man, my bro. Have you ever heard of the term ‘gay’?”

"Well. . ."

“Being attracted to the same gender? Boy likes boy or girl likes girl?” she supplies. “Although that's not only it; there are other labels too. . ."

“Oh.”

Everything’s starting to make sense now. Why girls didn’t really have an effect on me. Why my eyes tend to travel to the sports guys after they finish their practice - their muscles glistening with sweat elicited an odd feeling in me. Why I tend to be more anxious around boys. I’ve brushed this all away a long time ago, thinking that I was just merely ‘observant’ or ‘socially awkward’.

Turns out I might actually be gay. Welp, Google here we go.

Mae interrupts my revelation. “Wait you didn’t know that was? For real?” she asks, her voice rising, and I nod. “But you’re a Tumblr boy! Surely you’ve come across this, no?”