Back To The Start

The Jet

I DO NOT OWN CRIMINAL MINDS KR ITS CHARACTERS
Spencer's Pov

When we boarded the jet, everyone had their share of looks to me. I didn't blame them though. Most of the team didn't even know what was going on. I haven't talked about what happened in that cabin in over 12 years. I think about almost every time I take a look at the crime scene photos.

"It helps"

I tried to clear my mind and focus on the case. I looked over the file again. Then again. Then again. I tried to distract myself from the overwhelming thought of having to deal with it again. The diluadid. Finally, Tara spoke up, breaking the uncomfortable silence that filled the jet.

"Let's look at victimology. All white makes in their mid-twenties to early-thirties."

We all nodded in agreement with Taras statement. Then , Garcia's face popped up on the computer screen.

"Hello, my fine furry friends!" she said, with a tone of enthusiasm, but not as much as she always did. She knows the case will be hard for me. I was preparing myself for her repeating calls asking if I was alright.

"Garcia, did you find overlap between the victims?" Luke asked. He too, looked uncomfortable. He knew something was up, but he wasn't going to ask, not soon anyways.

"Zilch" She told us.

"Nothing?" Emily asked.

"Nada" Garcia said.

I could tell Emily was already pissed. She kept on glancing at me. She tried to hide it, but I could feel hers and everyone else's overwhelming stares on me.

"Let's look at our first victim, Mark Hayes. White male, age 29. Married with a wife and one kid. He was a local defense attorney. He attended Harvard University."

"Smart guy" Rossi states.

"Then we have Dylan Anderson. White male, age 32. Girlfriend of 3 years with a kid on the way, due in April. He was a 7th grade science teacher, attended UCLA. Looks like he had a rough childhood." Matt told us.

"His mom died when he was 13, then dad later went to jail for drugs. He was in and out of foster systems. Poor guy." I said

What about Mark Hayes, what was his childhood like?" I asked Garcia.

"Totally normal. His parents are still together, his mom was on the PTO board. He had straight A's and B's his entire life. They were pretty much the perfect cookie-cutter family." She said.

The next 3 hours on the jet felt like 3 years. I read 3 books, then reread them. I looked over the case file about 4 more times, just to distract myself from what my thoughts were really about. Diluadid. It was sick. I've been clean for over a decade. I was proud of that. Of course, I've had urges all the time, but I never acted in them. I vowed to myself I would stay clean. And I am devoted to keeping that vow.

"Choose one to live, otherwise they're  all dead"
"No"
The memories of Tobias kept coming back and i couldn't control it. I just wanted it to stop

JJ walked over to my seat. She had a caring smile across her face. JJ is my best friend. I don't know what I would do without her. Of course, things have been a bit weird since what had happened during the hostage situation. She confessed that she loved me. I don't know how I feel about that though. It's just really confusing right now.

"Hey, are you okay Spence? I know this must be hard for you." She said with a soft voice. She noticed my leg was bouncing and my fingers were a bit fidgety.

"JJ, i'm okay, I promise." I told her. I obviously wasn't okay, but I don't want her to know that. She has enough to worry about, she doesn't need to add me onto that list.

"Spence, look at me. I know you're not fine. Nobody expects you-"

"JJ, I said I was fine! I can still do my job, I'm not going to freak out, okay?" I told her. Why can't she just leave it be. No, i'm not okay, but I really don't want to talk about it. I don't want to go back to that night. The night that now floods my memory, and always has. I wasn't ready for this case, but I had to be. I needed to find out who was killing these men, and soon.

"Okay then, I'll leave you be." She said, with a rather melancholy tone. I didn't want to hurt her feelings or anything, I just didn't want to talk about it.

JJ's Pov

"Okay then, I'll leave you be." I know he isn't okay. He tends to block us out when things get hard. It's not his fault. It's just how he functions.

I went back to my seat. I was sitting next to Tara. Matt and Luke were across from us. They were all playing a card game of some sort. Tara won, as always. Luke got mad and ended up quitting.

"So, are you going to tell us what this is about?" Luke asked. He raised an eyebrow at me, almost daring me.

"What do you mean?" I asked. But I know exactly what he means. I just wasn't up for explaining what the some worst two nights of Spence's life were.

"You know what I'm talking about JJ. This isn't just another case. We've seen a lot worse than this but never once have I ever seen any of you acting this way on a case like this." He told me. Matt and Tara also looked at me with curiosity, eager to know what was going on.

  "Fine. 13 years ago, we were called to a case in Atlanta. An unsub killing people out of "Gods will". He killed a lot of people. and recorded and posted them online. Reid and I found a so-called witness by the name of Tobias Hankle. We both quickly discovered that he was the unsub. Reid followed him to a corn field where I went into the barn, seeing if anyone was there. I was attacked by dogs, vicious dogs. Then, he kidnapped Reid. He kept him an a cabin for two days. While he had him, we discovered the unsub had D.I.D. He was living as 3 different people:Himself, Raphael, an archangel, and his father. Anyways, he tortured Reid physically and psychologically. He forced him to pick people to live and people to die. Then the worst part of it all, Tobias was an addict to, guess what, diluadid. He drugged Reid with it multiple times while in the cabin." I said, I could see all of their darting eyes in me in shock.

  "There's more though." Tara said.

   Damn it. I didn't want to be the one to tell them this.

" No, there's not." hoping that they don't read you.

"He became addicted, didn't he?" Matt asked. He sounded sad. I mean, anyone would. Who in a million years would guess that the genius Spencer Reid was a ex-drug addict?

I took a deep breath in, trying to balance myself. "Yeah, he did."

I watched as the three of their faces turn cold. Any sign of happiness, slowly fading away.  They couldn't believe it. They wondered why Reid never told anyone. Well of course, it isn't the first thing you would tell people when you meet them, but they knew him for a while now.

  "Damn, that's awful." Luke said, looking around at the rest of us. We all nodded our heads in agreement.

  "But he's stayed clean for over decade now. This case won't break him." I said, really hoping that I was right. I couldn't stand the thought of him using again. It's too awful.