A Simple Deception

XVI

"Et tu, Brute?" William Shakespeare , Julius Caesar

---- 

XVI.

Alex could not take his eyes off of Susanna at dinner that evening. It was as if she had cast some sort of magical pull over him and he could not look away. Not that he wanted to. All manner of feelings were stirring inside of his chest, his stomach, and his head, that it made it difficult to concentrate.

He was completely lost to her. Was it love? He didn't know. Alex had never been in love before. The thought of anyone, anyone harming a single hair on Susanna's beautiful head infuriated him. And that fury included him. Alex wanted to protect her. He wanted to keep her safe and as beautifully open and kind as she naturally was. Every minute that passed only increased his regard for her, and his resolve to do what was necessary weakened.

In fact, Alex's mission to secure Susanna's money was hanging by a single thread that was being eaten away at by the second.

Which only brought on another wave of wretchedness in knowing what he would be giving up in order to preserve Susanna's heart. If he didn't secure Susanna's money then he would need to stay with Len, to take this charade to another young lady somewhere else. No ... no, he couldn't do this anymore. It was wrong. It was terrible. It was wicked. He would take what Len owed him, even if it wasn't enough to establish themselves independently. He could afford passage on a ship and he would bring her to England. They would find work. Honest work.

Alex was good with horses. Perhaps he could find someone in need of a groom, or perhaps he could train as a farrier. There would have to be someone somewhere who would be willing to take him on. At the very worst, he could farm. He and his mother both. They knew how to work the fields.

But where did that leave Susanna?

That left her here, right where she belonged, with her family. Her kind, generous family, who had welcomed Alex into their home without a second thought.

Alex watched as Susanna speared a sprout with her fork and laughed at something her brother had said. He hadn't been paying enough attention to hear the joke. But as she laughed, her eyes closed, and her nose crinkled.

Good Lord, the thought of leaving Susanna hurt almost as much as did the thought of hurting her.

But Alex knew that the former was the only option. What other choice was there? There was no way for their situation to end happily. Absolutely none. She was a lady, a high born, noble lady, destined to marry ... well, marry a man like the one who had assaulted Alex out of blind hatred or jealousy. Ladies like Susanna Beresford did not marry men of colour, even if he was free.

"Your meal is going to be cold soon, Mr Whitfield," murmured the duchess, Grace, whom he was seated beside. "Mrs Reynolds will be terribly offended if your dish is not spotless."

Alex nearly jumped as his head turned away from Susanna for the first time and towards the intuitive blue eyes of the young duchess. "My apologies, Your Grace," he uttered quietly, as he quickly ate a piece of his lamb, which was, he granted, very delicious.

"Your Mr Bishop seems to be delighting the Dowager Duchess again this evening with varying concoctions he knows of to ensure male children at birth. Tell me, is he a father?" She nodded towards Cecily and Len, who were seated beside each other across the table. The duchess sounded very sceptical, and quite suspicious.

"No," Alex answered automatically, though truthfully, he wouldn't know. "Mr Bishop has no children. Though he has a lot of experience with remedies of the world. He is well travelled."