What Now?

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Parker

September 20th, 2021

I'm working downstairs at the kitchen table, attempting to eat a granola bar between math questions. School is the last thing on my mind right now; it seems like the least of my problems. While grappling with the Pythagorean Theorem, my mom unlocks the front door and walks inside. She's wearing a neutral blouse with a navy blue blazer and dress pants with heels. She had a few job interviews today to help us get back on our feet. We were doing fine with what Dad had left us, but I'm glad she's applying for jobs. It wasn't pretty seeing her not leave the house for days. At least now, it seems she has a reason to get out of bed.

She walks over to the kitchen table where I'm at and sits down next to me, her keys dangling from her finger. She looks happy, and that makes me happy. I close the lid to my laptop halfway and focus my attention on her.

"So, how did it go?" I ask. "Did you like any of them?"

"Well," she says with a sigh. "I don't think I'll be working at the first two jobs I applied for..." She hesitates, not finishing her sentence.

"Mom, I'm sorry; I shouldn't have asked-"

"Because I got hired at Ravenscroft Manor!" she says excitedly, cutting me off.

I stare at her for a moment in disbelief. My mother got a job in Ravenscroft where the richest of the rich live. I can only imagine what her paycheck is going to look like.

"That's amazing!" I exclaim and wrap my arms around her. "I'm so proud of you, Mom; I hope you know that."

"Thanks, honey, but I'm not finished," she says.

I release from our embrace, and I give her a quizzical look.

"So, there was one stipulation for them to hire me," she begins saying, stumbling with her words. "For them to hire me, I must move to Ravenscroft... immediately." She pauses, waiting for me to react. But I don't know what to say. This couldn't be worse timing. We just moved our things in, and we weren't even completely finished. If we move, I lose all connection to the diary and what this house holds. What if there are more clues to her disappearance than this diary? What if I just haven't found them yet?

"I, I don't know what to say," I begin. "Don't you like it here in Nighbury Falls where everything, you know, feels normal?"

"Of course, I do!" She exclaims. "It's just, Parker, this was honestly the deal of a lifetime. I get to work at this beautiful mansion, and not to mention it comes with a lot of perks. It was worth it to take up the job, even if it means packing up our things and moving again."

I stare at my mom in disbelief. Does she hear what she's saying right now? Is she in the right state of mind? Obviously, she doesn't know my reasons for needing to stay, but it seems like she doesn't even know hers.

"Okay, Mom, but we just got here."

"Exactly, which is why it shouldn't be that hard for you to adjust... again," she says, her eyes drifting to the floor. She must finally hear what this sounds like to me. "I'm sorry, I know I sprung this all on you in a matter of minutes, but it would mean the absolute world to me if you had my back, Parker." She meets my eyes now, and I can see she's starting to tear up.

"I always have your back, Mom," I say. "But I just don't want to leave just yet. I'm sorry. I really like it here, and I'm just getting to know the place. I'm not ready to leave." She doesn't know the awful experience I had at Ravenscroft and my need to stay and find out what happened to Ken. It really seems like I'm being selfish because I haven't told her anything at all, when all she's done is be candid with me from the start.

We stare at each other for a few seconds. "What if..." I begin, "What if I stayed."

"I already said that for them to hire me, I had to move-"

"Right, you have to move to Ravenscroft," I emphasize, almost immediately regretting it.

"I, so-- you're just expecting me to move to Ravenscroft without you? What kind of plan even is that, Parker?" She says, her eyes darting back and forth at me like she doesn't even know who I am.

"I'm practically an adult, and I can live by myself. I mean, if I were in college, I'd be doing the same thing; it's no different," I say, trying to save the moment from falling to shambles.

Her eyes shift away from me, and she looks like she's trying to think what she's gonna say next.

"How will you afford it? Why would you want to live in a house and a new town all by yourself, Parker? Remember what I said? Whatever we go through, we can go through together. Did you not believe me?" she starts trailing off, and I feel so horrible. I feel like the worst person on the planet for trying to abandon my mother when she needs me the most. But who's fighting for Ken? Who's in her corner searching for her-- for answers? I have to stay; I just have to.

"And we can go through it together, Mom. I just have this, I don't know, weird connection to this house. It feels like home; like I was meant to be staying here. I love everything about the house and our neighborhood, and to give it all up so soon when everything is finally normal again, I just can't, Mom. I'm sorry. I hope you can understand." I say while looking at her. But I'm not sure if she's looking back at me or if she's just looking through me.

"I'm packing the rest of my things up today. I'm moving into an apartment in Ravenscroft tonight. You'll either come with me or don't, but you will be responsible for the bridges that you're burning for yourself." She says, looking at me like I'm a total stranger. She gets up from the table and heads upstairs. I just sit at the table and begin sobbing because I can't be there for her the way I want to be--the way I'm supposed to be. I'm a horrible person and an even worse daughter. I'm starting to second guess myself. Why am I putting the disappearance of a girl I don't even know above the health and well-being of my own mother? Isn't this the police's job to figure out what's happened to her? Not some girl who can barely function as it is. I'm useless-- useless to help find Ken, to support my mother, to everything.

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