Suffering - Swat - Christina Alonso

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Y/N = Female reader
*TW: This Chapter contains Depression. If your going through anything that's mentioned in this chapter then please seek help. Remember your not alone*

Your driving home from work along with your girlfriend of 2 years Chris. You both work as Swat officers except your a Sargent. You run the D team. A week ago you had one of the worst calls of your life. You were called to a domestic violence call and unfortunately none of them made it out alive. Including one of your officers and you've not been the same since. You've zoned out in the car ride

"Babe? You good?" Chris asks as she places a comforting hand on your thigh

"Huh? Yeah" You reply as you smile

"How about we go out to eat tonight?" Chris asks as she pulls into your driveway

"I have to finish up a case report and plus we're on call so maybe another night" You reply as you get out the car

Chris watches you as you open the door. You had been living together now for 5 months and everything was going smoothly. Chris knew something was up but she didn't quite know what.

"Dinners ready!" Chris yells as she carries in the takeout

"I'm not hungry" You say bluntly

"You've not eaten all day!" Chris replies as your phones go off

"Its work, come on" You say as you grab your bag

"Hold up! Your still in booty shorts and a tank top you can't go in like that" Chris says as she looks you up and down

"I'll change when I get there come on!" You say as you open the door

You loved your job. You loved the rush and that feeling when you put someone in jail. You loved leading your own team. But recently you just can't find the energy to get excited about work. You feel like it's so much effort. When you arrive you walk into the locker rooms alongside Chris. You walk in to discover Deacon and Hondo

"Sup Y/N!" Hondo says as he pulls you in for a hug

"Hey" Deacon says as he gives you a kiss on the cheek

You then smile at them and walk out. Still in the same clothes as what you left the house in

"How is she?" Deacon asks

"Not too great. I think she still blames herself for Evans death" Chris explains

"She didn't deserve that" Hondo adds

"No she didn't" Chris says as you walk back in follows by some of your officers

They go to the opposite side of the locker room and keep staring at you. Chris notices and puts her arm around your shoulder

"I mean have you seen what Y/N is wearing" The officer whispers

"Yeah. Shes asking for it" The other officer whispers

"What was that?" You ask

"I mean have you seen how tight those shorts are?" The cop says as you lunge towards him

"Say that again I dare you!" You yell as you start to grip his throat

"Y/N!" Chris yells as she tries to get you off of him but fails

"That's enough!" Hondo yells as he pulls you away from him

You have tears in your eyes and walk out. You sit outside and Chris comes to join you.

"What's going on with you" Chris asks as she sits next to you

"It's nothing apart from the not sleeping. The jumpiness" You admit

"Oh Y/N" Chris says as she looks at you sympathetically

"The constant overwhelming, crushing fear that something bad is going to happen again! Under my watch!" You admit as a tear falls from you eye

Chris pulls you close and you cry in her arms for a good hour.

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