The Fault Line (GxG)

39. I'm not ready

Nico tugged at my hand as she pushed the strap of the bag back on her shoulder. I can't seem to be able to move one foot after the other. Because I simply do not want to walk forward. I want to go back the way we came. Whether it's back to the first time we met. The first time we kissed or perhaps even the first time we fought. Right now, I don't care. 

I slipped my hand out of her grip and stopped abruptly. Nico turned to me, confused, but then slide the bag onto the busy floor of the airport. She bit her bottom lip and wrapped her arms tightly around my waist. It took me a moment before I could return the hug. I don't know what to say or to do. I think the wave of emotions has left me paralyzed. I don't know what I'm feeling. It's too much for me to name them all. I sink into the familiar shape and sent as her hold became stronger. 

She let me go and picked up her bag and then snatched my hand into hers again. Nico basically had to pull me after her as I can't find my ground. The drumming of my heart against my ribs has started to become uncomfortable—the rapid breathing, unbearable as I can nearly draw a breath. The pressure behind my grey eyes is too strong as heavy tears want to slide out. Then there is the rock of a lump at the back of my throat. I know if I just say a word, I will break. I don't want to break because if I do, I will feel it all.

"Wilder," Nico stopped and turned to me. She has the same look on her face as she had last night. That hopelessness, as if the entire world is crumbling underneath her feet. A pain that I know I could never take away. Nico breathed in deeply and then let it out. I don't know if she did it to steady herself or not because it clearly didn't work. Tears broke through and found their path down her cheeks. She could cry thousands of times and she would still be the most beautiful person in the world. 

I opened my mouth, but words seemed to be missing as they never appeared. Just one word, Wilder, how difficult could that be? Apparently, ten times hard than it was to tell her I love her.

"I'll be back before we know it," Nico smiled as she leaned her forehead on mine. I closed my eyes as I breathed her in one last time. She smells like, herself. It's all her, Nico. A warm hand on my cheek woke me up from my endless nightmare. At least that was what I thought. I'm still here, waiting for her to leave. I know she'll be back. I have been trying to convince my mind of that over and over again. Yet, it doesn't take the misery away. 

"Are you okay down there?" Nico whispered with the same smile she had the first time we met. 

"Are you okay up there?" It took me a moment, but finally, the words came. She pressed her lips together as unwanted tears rolled down her face. To watch her cry makes me almost want to break into tears as well. 

"I love you," I whispered and through her despair, she smiled. Nobody could ever paint that smile perfectly. No matter how hard they tried. That is just how special she is. 

"Are you girls ready?" Addison asked lightly as if she was scared to interrupted. I had almost forgotten where we are. 

"No," Nico shook her head with closed eyes and held me even tighter in her arms. I can nearly breathe, but I don't mind for now as she is basically holding my lose pieces together. 

"No. I'm not ready," She hides her face on the side of my neck as if that would hinder her from leaving. I wish it could, but I know it would never work that way. I gave Addison an apologetic smile as I know time is limited. If only I could join them both to go. Maybe it would have made it easier or perhaps harder. I don't know. 

"You'll do great," I whispered in her ear and kissed her on the side of the head. I tried to push her away with my hands on her waist, but she didn't budge. As hard it is to let her go, I know it's a must. Addison smiled at me before she turned away to give us a moment. 

"I'll be right here, waiting for you. I'm not going anywhere," I said.

"I know," She mumbled and then sniffed against my skin. Yet, I could sense a tone of doubt in her voice. 

"But it's so far," She sobbed and even more tears stained my skin as she almost strangled me in her tight grip. 

"What if you get tired of waiting?" She said and with that, I placed a hard kiss onto her temple. 

"I won't," I promised.