paracosm-delusional nightmares

{not fine}

-trigger warning-

✦✦✦

Am I fine?

If I am breathing quickly
My hands on my throat
Wanting to let go
But I can't?

Am I fine?

If when I see a person
I want to hug them
And tell that it's okay to cry
That tears make you stronger
You've just got to try.
But when I go home
I do the exact opposite
Of what I told them?

Am I fine?

If I haven't called you in months
To ask you how you've been
How your family has been
Because I'm too tangled up on my own
Living under a rock called my home?

Am I fine?

If tears flow down my face
Every single day
Because I remember what I've made of myself
After that day?

Am I fine?

If I don't like to show myself to anyone
Wondering what happened to me
Wondering what I've become
Wondering when I'll be done?

Am I fine?

If I want to give up
But don't have the courage to
Because I remember everyone's faces in my life
Dancing around me like a wildfire?

Am I fine?

If I haven't called anyone in days
They all have been asking me how I've been
What should I say?
That I'm fine?

But am I?

Am I fine?

If I am breathing quickly
My hands on my throat
Wanting to let go
But I can't?

I don't think I'm fine.
You don't think I'm fine.
Nobody thinks that I'm fine.
Then what am I?
I'm just being alive
Aren't I?
I'm not fine.
I'll never be fine.

But I'll try
I'll try to be better
I promise.
But in my imagination
Peter lost Wendy
I lost you
She disappeared
So did you.

And Peter wasn't fine,
Was he?
Because like me,
He was always living in a lie.

✦✦✦

-about-

written: july 4, 2021

i wrote this poem thinking about 'cardigan' by taylor swift and the line 'peter losing wendy' caught my interest.
the first part of the poem is a representation of what i feel every day, and the second part is a person leaving the first person because they are mentally stable.
i would like to give advice regarding this poem, which people are free to take or not take. 'don't ever leave a person with mental issues, don't make them feel that they're alone, because one day, they might be gone, and you'll be left thinking that they went too quickly.'

-anyways, thanks for reading, people!! do vote and comment if you liked it.-

✦✦✦