Worth The Fight ✓

Chapter Five

QUOTE OF THE CHAPTER:

"Emotions are not that hard to borrow, when love is the word you have never learnt."

– Avril Lavigne, Give You What You Like

Dedication: @anvtomy (Ally is one of the sweetest girls I've ever met and her enthusiasm over this story makes me fangirl)

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CHAPTER FIVE

"Jacqueline, I'm home!" Mum shoots from downstairs as I observe myself in the mirror. I made a face mask that I found in one of mother's drawers and I look totally white as planned. I smile victoriously at my reflection, making a messy bun.

"I'm coming," I yell back, checking myself once again and making sure I look convincingly normal. It's probably the first time I've ever made a face mask but still, there is a beginning of everything, right? Also, Mum would never know if I said it's a routine for me. She doesn't know anything about me.

I quickly descend the stairs, coming across with her in the kitchen, preparing dinner as usual. She is cutting some vegetables, and I grimace thinking she is going to cook some weird recipes of her again but then, she picks lasagne from the bottom drawer and I swear my mouth is dropping at the floor. "L – lasagne?"

She laughs lightly at my shock, peeking at me for an instant, and continues cutting carrots. "You love that," she states as if she knows what I love or not. But she is right, I love lasagne.

"How do you know that?" I blurt out, bemused.

"You've loved it since childhood, Jacqueline, of course I know what my girl likes."

"Oh," I say, leaning against the stall, my arms folded. "You know what I like, huh?" I ask bitterly. It kind of hurts that she acts like she is so dedicated. She doesn't give a shit about me, she's never done. "Then, you also know that I hate carrot," I snap as she is done with cutting. It is a lie – I like carrot in lasagne but I say it. I want to hurt her. I want to hurt everyone.

She opens her mouth but beforehand, I storm out of the kitchen, heading back to my room. I lock the door and throw myself on the bed. I hate everyone. I fucking hate everyone. I remember Calvin's face as he was standing at our porch with a grin on his silly face and I hate him for seeming so nice and friendly and that I can't hurt him. Even I am not that heartless. I can't say no to him, because he doesn't deserve to be hurt. "See you tomorrow," he'd said to me there although he knew that it'd only earn him a eye-roll instead of goodbye.

Hatred wears me down. It is not that easy to hate everyone as if it's predicted. There are people who you can't really hate – just strongly want to hate. For instant, my parents, I want to hate them but they are fucking good for me and I think they should hate me instead. If they didn't smile at me and be all goody goody, everything would be easier. I'd at least convince myself that they hate me. But this way, I don't know what to do. When I behave like a grumpy kid, I can't help but feel bad but I also know they deserve it.

Everyone deserves what they get from me. People are fucking fake and – they let me down when I needed them the most.

I sigh, rubbing my face and realising that I am wearing a mask and it is now messed up. I unlock the door and go clean my face in the bathroom. I look at my reflection in the mirror as water is dripping from my face, and I look at my scars. They can't even describe how fucking it hurts inside.

I notice Mum standing at the door as I step out, and I pass by her quickly, ignoring her worried glance, and my shoulder brushes hers. Before I get to my room, she speaks. "What happened to your face?"