Song of a Sophomore

CHAPTER 44 - Wonderwall

The alarm jackhammered on my eardrums. I hit the snooze button for the second time and buried my head under the pillow. It was half past six in the morning. I had to get up. It was the last day of final exams. My biology final. The start of summer vacation was just a few hours away.

"Time to get up," Gloria yelled from the hallway. "Don't make me tell you again."

"Okay, okay. I hear you."

I rubbed my sleepy eyes and pulled the headphones off my ears. The disc in the portable CD player next to me was Holst's The Planets. When I had a lot weighing on my mind, classical music was my go-to genre. It always helped me concentrate, and I had a difficult time concentrating on much of anything since the spring formal—all that flirtation, passion and confusion. I couldn't even look Zach in the eyes yet. It was still too fresh in my mind.

And, I didn't know if I could ever confess to Leo that he was right and I was wrong. I felt guilty for not trusting him. I felt like maybe I hurt him, but not guilty enough to pursue any kind of relationship. My feelings for Leo were still confusing... like my feelings for Zach.

Leo called a few times since the prom. He already had a pretty good idea that my night with Zach didn't end well, but the details were fuzzy. I guess Zach didn't kiss and tell. Thank goodness.

Leo had the good sense not to press me for more information. Instead, we talked about things like our favorite bands, movies, our most embarrassing moments, weirdest dreams and what we saw ourselves doing when we grew up. Being an adult always seemed so far away with endless possibilities, but with my sophomore year coming to a close, I started to feel the weight of my expectations and the prospect of college pressing down on me. Leo was not phased by the future.

I stumbled into the shower, replaying my call with Leo last night through my head as the hot water poured down.

"I'd like to play soccer in college. I think I have a good shot. Football, not so much. I was second string receiver on J.V. and I'll be lucky to make varsity next year. But, it's no biggie. Soccer is my true passion. What about you?"

"Me?" I asked. "You mean, like, will I try to do cheerleading in college? No way. I don't know if I'll even try out for the fall season. Except, I'd miss Courtney and some of the other J.V. girls. I like cheering with them... but, Bernie and Katelyn? Well, let's just say we're not friends."

"That doesn't surprise me. I've grown up with those girls in my neighborhood and Katelyn's been chewing people up and spitting them back out since kindergarten. But, Bernie? Well, she's not that bad. She's just been going through some stuff."

"Like what?" I asked.

"I dunno. Her dad just packed up and left one day. There was a divorce. I guess her dad's got a new wife now and a new kid. And, her mom's been sick. Like chemo and stuff. Bernie took it hard. I think she kind of hates the world right now," Leo said.

"That sucks. I had no idea."

A wave of compassion flowed from the center of my chest. All the anger and hatred for Bernie burning inside me since that first day of cheerleading tryouts, extinguished in one quick gust, like blowing out a candle. I thought of her, those pale green eyes filled with tears as she sat alone, a silent struggle in her heart. I couldn't imagine what she must be going through. I felt a little selfish, always worrying about my own problems and never considering why other people acted the way they did. Maybe it wasn't really about me at all. Maybe it was about her own baggage.