Love Again ✔

7. Disappointment

Rose:

Maddox is forty minutes late. I don't even know why I'm so disappointed. Maybe he forgot we were supposed to study. Or maybe there's a party somewhere that his friends invited him to. I think I heard murmurs in the halls about a party tonight.

I mean, who would choose a study session with a girl who stutters and flinches every time someone clears their throat over a party full of booze and women? I get it. I truly do. Because I too enjoyed those parties once. I can't blame him for wanting to have the full college experience. I can't even blame him for not letting me know because it was me who ignored his suggestion about exchanging numbers.

So in all honesty, I shouldn't be disappointed at all. There's nothing to be disappointed about. But I am, and I hate it. I hate how abandoned I feel. I hate how quickly I got attached to another person I barely know.

I might have known Jaxon for most of my life, but now that I think about it, I barely knew him at all. I knew how charming he could be. How great at sex he was. How he enjoyed fooling around as he had put it. But I didn't know the real person behind the charming personality he always showed me.

Jaxon is not a bad person, nor is Maddox. But I don't know either of them. I don't know what they're capable of. I don't know what they love or what they hate. I thought I knew Jaxon and I got so attached that my whole life fell apart when he left. But that was a year ago and I thought I knew better now. That I was somehow stronger even though I seem so much weaker. I thought I learnt from my mistakes, learnt how to not make assumptions or have hopes.

But I haven't learnt at all, have I? I haven't learnt at all, because here I am now, on the verge of crying, because I assumed that Maddox would keep his word. I assumed that these study sessions meant a lot to him, when they are just a means to an end as soon as his grades are back up. I assumed our friendship was important when it hasn't even lasted for two days. I assumed I was strong enough not to get myself hurt again, but here I am. As weak as I was the day Jaxon left me. And once again, I have no one else to blame.

But it makes me so sad that once again I'm stuck in a situation where I can do nothing but point the blaming finger at myself, when all I truly wanted was just a friend. Why did I let my guard down when I should've known better? Friendships are dangerous, and so are people. I should've just remained by myself like I had promised. I shouldn't have let anyone in, not when I'm still this vulnerable.

Walking into my bathroom, I wash the tears that had fallen down my face away with some cold water. I'm too senstive. Jaxon always told me that. That's why he was reluctant at the beginning of our arrangement to take the risk, even though he was the one who suggested it. He warned me that I might not be strong enough to keep my heart out of the equation. He was right. He was right about everything.

"Rose?" Maddox's voice makes me jump in front of the mirror and I quickly head outside. He knocks on the door twice. "Rose, are you in there?"

I look at the clock above my bed and notice that it's eight now. I wonder if I should pretend I'm not here. But where else would I be? He's not stupid.

"Come on, Rose. Open the door." He sounds like he's panting, trying to catch his breath. "Let me explain."

I frown at that. How could he have known that I would be upset if ditches me? I shouldn't even be. I don't have a right to be. Yet, somehow he knows that I am. Am I truly that transparent to him? How can someone I just met understand me this well?

"Angel, come on. Just hear me out." He sounds really sad and my feet automatically walk to the door and I pull it open. Maddox is panting heavily, with sweat covering his forehead and damping his hair. He has his football uniform on and I want to take a few minutes to ogle at how good it fits him, but I don't.