Nightmares of Caitlin Lockyer

Part 38

38

"Pervert. Sorry. Oh God, so sorry." Caitlin rubbed her cheek against her shoulder. A smear of tears turned the cotton from light blue to dark. "Let me go…"

If I'd thought having to listen to her nightmares was bad, writing her memories was worse. I've never seen anyone cry as much as Caitlin did that first two hours.

"No reply, no light. More pain, bitter tears. Alone in the dark when I needed help." Her voice broke into a sob on the last word, but she hiccupped and continued. "I remember lying down, sobbing. Cold, rough, hard concrete. Dusty. Made me cough but no one heard. Pain. Relief that no one heard me…"

She sat with her eyes closed, tears streaming down her face as she fought to find the words to describe the horrors she could remember. Disjointed memories – every one of them dark.

"Don't touch me! Hold her down, I said…Touch me and I'll kick your face in! How are you going to do that with him holding you down? I said…" She swallowed painfully. "No!"

I'd keep typing until she stopped, her sobs choking her into silence. Then I'd put an arm around her shoulder, she'd cry into my shirt for a while, she'd sit up, hiccupping, and she'd start again, presumably where she'd left off.

"Too heavy…couldn't breathe…hhhurt me…couldn't scream. Hurt me again. Gasping, sobbing…no air. Crushing weight lifted…a breath…another. Why a reprieve? Touching me…NO! A scream…mine…hhhurt me more…"

It was like watching her throw up.

"Don't touch me…don't touch her…don't…" Caitlin's voice failed. I waited, but she went on. "Can't stop. Must…shouting…shots…hurts…No. Can't stop. Must…hurts… Can't get up. Must…red light…blood…scared…slipping…"

At first, I thought I could take it, but what was coming out of her mouth and what it was doing to her made me sick to my stomach.

"T-t-took my clothes…tried to fight…threatened me. Scared…froze...cried... couldn't fight. So cold…ssshhhivering and cold in the dark…Two – two of them…"

By halfway through, I wanted to kill them all.

"B-bound my hands…broke my fingers…screaming…pain…Couldn't see for tears. He had a knife…cut my clothes off." She swallowed. "Tried to kick him. Couldn't see. Too dark. He…caught my legs….pushed them down…apart…unzipped…Oh God, please…no…"

By the time she'd been at it for a couple of hours and was so choked up she couldn't do it anymore, I was ready to not just kill them, but chop them up into small pieces and burn their remains, in no particular order. Then burn the clothes I'd been wearing and take a shower in disinfectant.

I asked Caitlin if she wanted to take a look at what I'd written, to add to it where I hadn't been able to type fast enough, but she shook her head, her eyes tightly closed.

"Later," she murmured. "Another day. I can't any more today." She lay down again on the pillows and turned her face away from me.

"Did you want me to leave you alone for a bit?" I asked hesitantly, already thinking about getting a nice coffee from the cafe downstairs and the possibility of any distraction to get the last two hours out of my head. I wonder how many sexy nurses and doctors visit the coffee shop...

"Please don't." The face Caitlin turned toward me now was wide-eyed with fear. "I don't want to sleep again yet. I'm going to have nightmares after this."

You're not the only one, I thought.

I hesitated for a second before I offered, "Why don't you come downstairs and we'll get a coffee? There's a coffee shop downstairs and they had some nice-looking cakes this morning. I know the hospital staff don't let you have cake..."