MATEO || bxb

- 19 -

| Mateo |

It's been a few days since Cam has been away now. I gave him a hug and kiss goodbye and with a heavy heart let him go. We'd only just started our journey together but already a distance had been placed between us. The exact reason why I didn't want to tell him before I went to Spain.

I missed him every passing day and was glad I didn't have any holidays planned this summer that would keep us apart too. I'd already spent a year abroad and hadn't felt the need to go somewhere else. This summer was for being at home because there were at least a few people here that I loved and wanted to spend time with. So, while the majority of those people were away, I figured I'd make the most of my time with those I was just beginning to think of as my family as well.

It was late and Lilliana and I were playing video games. My mind had been on Cam all day and I needed a distraction and I think my sister could tell that. It felt nice calling someone my sister.

I'd been moping around all day, texting Cam when I had the chance but he was busy sightseeing and with his family so he couldn't talk that much. I wondered if he missed me as much as I was missing him, or was he too distracted by what I'm sure were thousands of other attractive guys surrounding him in a whole other world. I would be lying if I said there wasn't a small fear in me that he would find someone better. I understood that he trusted me more than others but that's just because I was there that night and because he's used to me. Maybe he needed to meet people so far removed from his situation here for him to realise he could have feelings for another.

I don't quite remember being so insecure, as I was now, in my past relationships. Or maybe I was, and I'd refused to acknowledge it before. Things with Cam just felt so different, so profound. It wasn't just a teenage romance that I never really felt would last. With Cam, it felt like he could become my world and the rest of life and that was not something I wanted to lose so easily.

So, Lilliana had found me coming to the kitchen for probably the twentieth time that day absentmindedly searching for food, though I was not hungry and really just bored.

"Okay," she said as I opened the fridge. "That's it. C'mon, let's do something. Teach me how to play one of your video games or something."

"What?"

"I've literally watched you walk up and down this house for hours. You're like a puppy searching for their owner after they've been left alone in the house. Well news flash, Cam isn't here, and he won't be back for a few more days. So, what do you wanna do?"

So, I agreed, albeit somewhat reluctantly, to show her some games. Truth be told, I was enjoying my moping. I liked thinking about Cam and all the things I liked about him and about kissing him and imagining everything I would one day say to him. But Lilliana was right. I was basically a lovesick puppy right now and needed to retain at least some semblance of dignity.

So, we spent a few hours playing games and it was actually good to have some moments where my focus wasn't completely on Cam. But considering she won most of the games, my mind clearly hadn't stopped being distracted.

"You suck," she said after our final game. "Or you're just not trying."

"Maybe a bit of a both. I don't know," I admitted.

She sighed. "So, what's so great about Cam anyway? I haven't met him so..."

What was great about Cam? Just everything. He was a little different now, more reserved maybe, but that was understandable. "When I started liking him last summer, we'd started taking more. Just as friends. I have insomnia and I used to smoke so I'd go for a fag somewhere around 1am and one night I guess he was awake too and he found me. And then every now and then around the same time, we'd sit outside, and we'd just talk. Not really about anything special, sometimes about what was keeping us up that night. And it felt like he really listened, like really listened, to everything that I had to say. It's different with Adrian because we are just friends, like brothers, but I was never really close to Cam like that so when I felt like he noticed me it felt special. And it's not like he's bad to look at."