Avalon and Maddock

Chapter 9: Avalon

The doorbell rang and I took a deep breath. Day one of our second week of homework following another session with Zephyr the Insane Therapist.

I opened the door and Maddock's little replicas swarmed his legs with shouts of Daddy! Maddock hunkered down and put an arm around each of the boys, pressing a kiss to their heads.

Letting them chatter excitedly to him for a few minutes, I steeled myself for the homework to come.

I had told the boys they could have ten minutes of a show they liked to watch so Maddock and I could get through this uninterrupted. I had already finished my written assignment for the day, and the answer was I love that Maddock always wanted -- notice the past tense there -- to take care of his family in every way possible.

Once we got them settled in front of the TV in the master bedroom, we went back into the living room and stood in front of the couch.

"What do you want first?" he asked me. "Hug or handholding?"

"Hug, I guess," and before the words were even out of my mouth, Maddock had wrapped his arms around me and held me close.

Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump. My ear was pressed against his chest, and I listened to his heart beating, strong and steady, lulling me and soothing me. Even if it shouldn't.

Be strong, I tried to tell myself. Even as my arms wanted to hug him back. Even as my weaker self said, just another few minutes.

After what I knew was almost five minutes of being held in my husband's arms, I stepped back, knowing Maddock would have held on to me forever. 

"Now the handholding and eye gazing?" I said, tilting my head toward the couch.

Maddock's lips twitched at the way I'd worded it, then my lips twitched, and then we both burst into nervous laughter. Once we settled down so we were knee-to-knee on the couch, Maddock took my hands and we began looking into each other's eyes. It was hard to keep from laughing. I would start giggling, then Maddock would laugh and shake his head at me, then we'd clear our throats so we could settle down and be serious again...then I'd start giggling and that would set us off once more.

In between the laughter, his eyes said so much to me.

I'm sorry.

Forgive me.

I love you.

And I knew what he was saying because I'd seen those emotions in his eyes many times when we were dating and during our marriage. Once you know someone so well and so intimately, you almost don't need words sometimes. You know the looks and what they mean. I wondered what my eyes were saying to him, and then realized he knew what my eyes were saying because he was answering with his eyes.

You hurt me so badly.

I'm sorry.

You broke my heart.

Forgive me.

I'm not even sure how you feel about me anymore.

I love you.

Suddenly, it was easy to be serious since so much was being said. Maybe I would have stayed like that all night if two little boys hadn't come out of the bedroom.

"It's all done," Christian announced that the TV show had ended. "I want dinner."

He crawled up onto Maddock's lap, and Maddock released my hand to cuddle Christian. Landon followed close behind and came up and leaned against Maddock's leg. Maddock curled his other arm around him.