Sidharth looked around the room, it was messy. Things were scattered here & there, the light lamp was broken so was the mirror and his hand was bleeding while his eyes were blood shot red.
"Destroying the room won't help you, son. You have messed up big time, i hope you know that." Came a voice from the entrance, he knew its his father. Ashok entered the room, he took out the first aid box from the closet and come toward him, He sat on the bed beside him.
"Shehnaaz left me." His voice croaked as he spoke.
"And you are the reason behind it." Ashok was quick to reply. Sidharth didn't said anything, he knew his father was right. Ashok caught his hand and started cleaning his wound from which blood was flowing out. Sidharth tried taking his hand back but Ashok had his firm grip.
"What do you want, Sidharth?" Ashok questioned his son who look at him in confusion.
"I mean, what do you want to do now? Go back to Hina or want your wife and kids back?" Ashok asked him once again.
"Offcourse i want my wife & kids back." Sidharth replied almost immediately which made his father smile. Ashok was happy. Atleast his son know what he wants.
"Why? Why do you want them back? Is it because they are your responsibility?" Ashok questioned him. He wanted to make sure, Shehnaaz doesn't suffer due to his son once again. If he wants his wife & kids back, then Sidharth needs to be aware of their importance in his life first.
"I love them." Sidharth whispered brokenly. It was something he never admitted, never showed to her. He was never been vocal about his feelings toward her or his son.
"But Shehnaaz said you are not happy with her. If you love her, then what gave her impression that you don't?" Ashok asked as he was done with dressing his wound.
"Because i never told her what she means to me." Sidharth murmured. Since the day he had got married, he had always tried to find reasons to not to like her. Like every other person, Shehnaaz too had flaws of her own which he picked out and ignored her good qualities.
Sidharth was known for his bad temper and mostly, his wife become victim of his anger. Sidharth would remind her of her flaws, not because he wanted to put her down but because he wanted to prevent himself from falling for her which was wrong in his eyes since to him, it was like betraying Hina, the girl he loved.
But he was proven wrong. Sidharth fell for her without even realizing. It didn't happened suddenly, it was a slow process.
Ashok listened to his son quietly. He knew Shehnaaz was right on her part to take the decision of divorce. Its not easy for anyone to live with someone who thought of them to be unwanted and here, his son has made his wife feel unwanted.
"And what about Hina? Are you over her?" Ashok questioned him.
"I don't know. I mean, i don't feel same way about her, When i went to meet her yesterday, even in being in same room as her felt wrong now. It was like betraying Shehnaaz, going behind her back to meet her." Sidharth whispered. He was being honest and it felt light to finally to let out what he feels
"Then why did you went to meet her?" Ashok asked him back.
"I feel guilty. The way i moved on when Hina was in coma. I feel responsible toward her, and even doctor said she is delicate state, if we disclose about my marriage to her, it might cause harm to her health." Sidharth explained about the reason behind his visit to alisha.
"Sidharth, i understand your point of view but it won't change the fact if you try to bring your past in present, it will ruin your present and future. Past should be remain where it belong, in past. Hina is your past and Shehnaaz & kids are your present & future. You need to understand your responsibilities toward them." Ashok told his son who nodded in response
"And i want to talk to you about something else too." Ashok said to him. When he knew he had his son's full attention, he continued.
"Rita talked to shehnaaz's doctor to know about her health and there is a bad news-" Ashok started off. Sidharth felt air leaving his lungs as gush of panic ran through him.
"Bad news? What bad news, dad?" Sidharth asked his father impatiently.
"There are many complications in her pregnancy which can cause harm to both baby & mother. Shehnaaz needs proper care during this period-" Ashok told him while Sidharth closed his eyes in disgust of his own self.
How selfish of him it was to take out his anger of his wife and told her things he didn't meant and drove her to leave him when Shehnaaz needed him the most.
Sidharth realized. But it was too late. Wasn't it?
"Dad, where is she now?" Sidharth asked his father, concerned for her & his babies safety and well being.
"Shehnaaz returned back to her paternal home, but since Santokh & Pammi has shifted to London long back, she is alone there with Ayaan." Ashok replied to him.
"Take rest for a while. I will send maids to clear this mess." Ashok patted his back. He got up and left from there, leaving his son behind who again drowned himself in guilt which seems nothing compared to her pain.
*
"Ayu! Baby, don't trouble mumma and have this-" Shehnaaz sighed heavily as her 8 months old refused to eat the baby food and continued to cry at the new place. And also, deep down Shehnaaz knew, he was missing his father who used to sit next after returning from office while he play with his toys in their room.
"Maa." Little Ayaan pouted as he jerked his mother hand away who tried to feed him spoonful of baby-food.
"No doubt you are Sidharth Shukla's son. Always troubling me." Shehnaaz huffed and look at her son who passed a toothless grin to her. Shehnaaz groaned mentally but was thankful, atleast he stopped crying.
The decision to leave her husband, wasn't easy. But it was important for her own good. There was nothing left in their relationship and everyday's fights & arguments were not healthy either. And Shehnaaz would have hated herself if she had lets her children grew in such environment when their parents fight over anything & everything.
"Ayu! Be a good boy now and eat something." Shehnaaz crooned softly in his ear, she placed a sloppy kiss on his cheek which caused the little one to frown.
She smiled slightly as he ate something before he yawned, indicating his mother about his sleeping town. Shehnaaz picked him up in her arms, after telling the maid to cook dinner for her, she went in her room.
Shehnaaz made Ayaan sleep on the middle of the bed and covered him with blanket. Shehnaaz lays down on the bed next to her son. Lonliness once again engulfed her as the memories of her husband came crashing down at her.
Her heart plummed at the thought of him. Shehnaaz was missing him already, but this time her heart was too bruised to go back to him. She didn't had that in herself to go through the emotional pain once again.
Three years she waited for his acceptance and got nothing but pain in return, now Shehnaaz couldn't bear anymore.
At one point of her life after marriage, she thought Shehnaaz couldn't live without him, but now she couldn't live with him either.
It will always remind of the failure that she is. Shehnaaz failed as a wife. Shehnaaz failed as a lover.
