heartache | b.e

eight

(two months later)

ivy
i turned my head to admire the beautiful girl beside me, "what'chu lookin at," she giggled, "you," i smiled and kissed her on the forehead.

billie pulled me closer and squeezed me tightly, " i don't see how you deal with me ivy, i really don't," i felt her chest vibrate as she spoke, i poked my head out and looked at her, "love makes you do crazy things in life i guess," was all i said before laying my head back down.

~

billie
"love makes you do crazy things in life i guess," i furrowed my eyebrows together, what does she mean by that?

"what do you mean?" i chuckled, "y'know.. someone can hurt you, apologize 'genuinely' then do it again, and again, and again, and it's like a never ending loophole of being hurt but you still love that person, no matter what, even if they don't show that same love and affection back." she said lowly.

"oh." was all i said.

i knew she was talking about me and that's the worst part, she doesn't think i mean it when i say i'm sorry, she doesn't think i love her, i just wanted to make her feel good, make her happy, i don't want to be one of the people from the past that caused her trust issues, or trauma, and other things like that.

"ima head home," ivy said and began to grab her things, "i thought you were gonna spend the week with me," i furrowed my eyebrows.

"i know, but i uhh- i forgot it's my sisters birthday week, she just texted me, so i gotta go," she rushed out, "oh, well text me when you can hang out," i smiled, she nodded her head and left.

~

ivy

i left billie's house as soon as i possibly could, i felt bad leaving her alone but i couldn't stay there. i couldn't stay with her.

my mental health had been getting worse over the past few weeks, and billie and i arguing constantly was not helping. yes, i love being with her, but when everything turns into an argument, no ma'am.

i drove home and went straight to my room, i didn't wanna talk to billie, think of billie, speak of billie, i didn't even want to be in the presence of her.

ashlyn walked in my room and sat on my bed, "where's ur girlfriend, and what's wrong," she asked, "billie is at her house, and, nothings wrong i'm just— tired," i looked at her.

"tired— my ass, what's wrong? actually." she frowned and laid down next to me.

"i don't know. my mental health has just been really bad lately, and billie makes everything an argument so she's stressing me out." i sighed. "have you talked to her about it?" she raised her eyebrow.

"no," i said, "take a break from her, before everything that happened with her, you were way happier," ash told me.

"that's what i'm doing," i said lowly, " okay, good, i love you, i'm 'bout to go get some food, do you want anything?" she patted my shoulder, "chicken tenders and fries," i smiled widely, "of course," she playfully rolled her eyes and laughed.

i turned my led lights off and turned my phone on do not disturb, i knew billie would text me a million times, and then get cleo to text me, and it'd be a whole big deal, so i did what was best for me.